Rules for the jumpoff
People are having more and more sex. According to a recent Trojan condoms survey, the average American is having sex 151 times this year, compared to 120 times last year. With so many people having so much sex, somebody is definitely a jump off.
What is a jump off?
A jump off is a person whose sole purpose is to bring sexual gratification to another person with little effort and little money spent. A jump off is usually a woman, sometimes a man who only sees their “partner” when the partner expresses interest.
How do you know you are a jumpoff?
You don’t have sex with this person regularly. You rarely go out on any dates. You appear at their house or other designated places to have sex at when they are horny. You arrive at odd hours and leave before the neighbors know of your presence.
Were you asked to send any naked pictures of yourself? (you were already considered jump off material).
Consider under what circumstances you two met. Was there drinking? Was it an online meeting, or in a club or bar? and think of how you two ended up in bed. Did this person offer to take you out? (movies don’t count, all you do is sit in the dark and feel each other while the movie is playing – an indication of the fucking that comes later) did anyone Buy you dinner at a real restaurant?
You are told that the person you are jumping off with is single. New flash: Most people are technically single. If they are not married, then they are legally SINGLE. You should ask if there is anyone else in the picture that they are fucking or somehow involved with. Don’t make assumptions that being single means they are alone. What do you think they were doing before you came along?
Once you realize or even suspect that you are a jump off, here are some rules to follow if you want to continue this sexual relationship.
- Never beg/ask to be kept. If your sex partner tells you out of the blue that they can’t see you, accept that you were a jump off and move on. Asking if there is something you can do to make them stay is worthless unless you can turn yourself into the person they really want to be with.
- If you are fucking Multiple other people… Let the other person know.
- Honesty doesn’t apply to you, the jump off. You are not entitled to anything but the occasional fuck. You will be told any story so you can be fucked and tossed.
- Accept the occasional calls/texts during normal business hours. Be grateful if you get any outside of that and when that communication stops, chances are your jump off status is done.
- Social media is great, but don’t go posting ‘woe is me’ status updates on Facebook and Twitter about how you are hurt over being dumped. Just move on to the next. Lesson learned.
- Never leave any personal items.
- Keep it to yourself unless you’re promoting a threesome with an even better looking person.
- There can’t be any babies, so stay on birth control.
- Do not plan on staying over two hours (cleanup time included).
- Do not try to tongue kiss.
- If you two should ever meet in public while with another, ignore them as if you don’t know them, unless they come to you first.
If you are not interested in being someone’s jump off, simply take your time and get to know a person. Follow a rule of five. Five Real DATES to see where this persons thinking head is at. If they are only interested in having sex with you, they won’t make it through the rule of five. If sex is the one thing that attracted you to this person, and you have sex with them soon after the two of you meet, chances are likely that you will be the jump off.
There you have it, in plain english. Theses are the rules– no exceptions– so know your role and play your part.