Ok, I get it, humans are designed to get horny. Only now as an official, bonafide adult do I get it. In my naivete, I used to believe that sex was only for the young twenty-somethings.
Years ago, my grandmother had a friend whose boyfriend was closer to my then 20 something years, than her 60 some odd years. I didn’t get it. I couldn’t let my brain accept the fact that this “old lady” was really allowing herself to indulge in consensual sex. I asked my grandmother, what was that all about, was he just with her for her social security check? My grandmother’s response was a shocking, Yes, and she likes when he eats her jello. Her WHAAATTT? In my younger years, I could not imagine “old” people would still be interested in making love, having sex, whatever you want to call it. Let alone with other old people. Then I realized that I knew a lot of dirty old men. A lot. Somebody is having sex with them. Lots of somebody’s.
Older people having sex is not so uncommon. According to a recent Cosmopolitan article, studies conducted by sex researchers at the University of Guelph and the Sex Information and Education Council of Canada (SIECCAN), agree that your sex life does get better as you age. Thank the mighty stars! Because now as I coast through my forties, I find myself to be horny. More like super horny.
Sometimes I’m so horny I can’t think. Then I get angry. Because the person I’m with doesn’t have the same sex drive. Frustrating.
If you found that the older you have become, the more your desire for sex increases, let us know!
With most couples sex is a very important part of the relationship, as well as where the sex takes place. Many people like to be adventurous and try new things and new places. That was great before careers, cameras, and kids came into the picture. Now, in our adult reality, we all know the most intercourse between couples takes place in the bedroom. So get ready to be a better lover, because we are about to help you get rid of the clutter!
Your bedroom should be an inviting playroom for sex.image courtesy of AdobeStock
When you look at your bedroom what do you see? Exercise equipment that has turned into a coat rack? Children’s toy’s and other clutter that is preventing you from being the best lover .
What about that brand new flat screen tv? While all of these things may seem like creature comforts, they are actually mental distractions to what could be amazing, mind blowing sex!
If clothes make the man, then his living space should also be indicative of who he is as well. If you’ve ever visited a potential lover’s house, only to discover that the place is a mess, guess what…Big Turn Off! Dirty dishes in the sink, clothes on the floor, or worse, critters — roaches, rodents, even the occasional filthy roommate is a big no no.
Your(potential) lover could be the sexiest man alive (Hi Idris Elba), but if that living space is a wreck, you’ve just ruined your chance at intimacy.
There really is something sexy about visiting someone’s home for the first time in anticipation of getting laid.
But, your partner can’t relax in a messy place.
A few tips to tidy up your place to make sure you are the best lover possible.
Fumigate – If you know that those crawling, disgustingly unwelcome guests (we’re not talking about your roommate) in your house always make an appearance when you are trying to get lucky, and if time time permits, call an exterminator – or just do it yourself
Dust – Believe it or not, dust collects EVERY day. Dust the baseboards, TV’s, counters and your dresser. it will make a huge difference.
Organize – Put away all of your clothes. If they don’t fit in your closetor dresser where the doors/drawers can close, invest in storage containers to fit your adult lifestlye.
Aromatics – We are visual creatures, yes, but there is nothing more stimulating to the senses than the olfactory delight of a sophisticated and seductive scent to tantalize and entice your lover. Light a candle and set the mood. Inhale the sensual bouquet and watch the mesmerizing flicker of the flame as your guest warms up to you even more.
We want to hear from you! Tell us in the comments how you make your room attractive to a potential lover.
Share Your Thoughts – Open Up with Embracedesires.com
I wanted to get this off of my chest. Why aren’t people truly comfortable with their sexuality?
In hushed whispers, and secret online groups, people will discuss how much of a “freak” they are, yet don’t own any sex toys. Not to say that owning sex toys (or a sex toy company) automatically makes you a “freak” it just shows that you are open to alternative sexual adventures. I love sex toys and all of the sensual accessories that compliment them, but I don’t consider myself to be a “freak”. That term really puts my panties in a bunch. I’m sexually explorative. As long as it doesn’t involve children, animals or illegal acts, I’ll try it at least once. And very proud of that fact. I have embraced my desire to explore sexually stimulating and pleasure enhancing activities. Shit, I’m grown. Or so, I am told.
But when I meet someone new and they discover the products that I have in my stash, all of a sudden, I’m a freak. Get over it already. Thanks to the internet, most people I know that are sexually active do far more exploring than I have ever done. Ever. And then there are those who haven’t done a third of what I’ve done.
I have discovered that some cultures embrace the natural progression from innocence to knowledge when it comes to sexual experiences, whereas others simply do not.
I recall reading this Awesome book filled with many Great stories and one of the stories told was of this Man who said “let he who is without sin, cast the first stone” and surprisingly no stone was tossed. Let this be a lesson.
As promised from my last post, I am going to attempt to explain and illustrate the anatomy of the female genitalia….aka “your bits” (if you’re a female that is). It is important to understand what you own, and as I type it will become apparent why.
It is also important to understand why I did not go any further than grade 9 art. As I draw it will become apparent why.
If you are a man and are thinking of switching off because this is irrelevant to you directly……keep reading. You might not own the bits yourself, but certainly someone you know and love just might (think of your mother….see you definitely know one person!). And you might just solve a big calamity someday by understanding what’s going on down there, and sharing some insight into common misconceptions.
So while it is quiet, and raining, on a Friday night (rather…
Let’s talk. There are many people who love sex. They really love sex, and we love them too. It’s the best use of their time, actually. These aren’t the type of people who use the old headache excuse to avoid sex, these people – our people – love to get down and dirty.
But did you know that there are many advantages to having sex. Not the typical procreation perks, but real health benefits. When you’re having sex, and you’re doing all of the right things, it leads to orgams, and orgasms, my friends lead to wonderful health benefits, even when engaging in self pleasure.
Orgasms not only feel good to you they are also good for you. According to the experts, not just us, the act of achieving an orgasm effects your well-being in unique ways.
So no more excuses for not attempting to achieve an orgasm. Having an orgasm is a tried and true method to reduce stress, that with a little forethought, can be achieved anywhere.
Just think how healthier you become after every orgasm.
Orgasm benefits
Pain reliever – It hurts so good. Endorphins increase your pain tolerance by 70%.
Anti-aging bonus – Dah-ling, you look mahvelous. Regular orgasms release DHEA (DEHYDROEPIANDROESTERONE) – don’t worry about how to pronounce it, just know that it restores skin, repairs damaged tissues, and helps the skin look more youthful and plump. It’s like the fountain of youth is within your grasp.
Reduces stress and depression – Going to the spa is nice to de-stress, but going to get laid is better. Another chemical released during orgasm is oxytocin a poweful stress reliever.
Improves memory and brain function – now who’s the smarty pants. During climax, your blood circulation increases which helps transport oxygen rich nutrients to the brain.
Sleep Aid – Who doesn’t want to fall asleep after a great lay? Oxytocin the stress relieving lovers hormone, and endorphins are released promoting restful sleep and encouraging tension release.
Boosts immune system – Because it’s cold and flu season somewhere. High levels of immunoglobulin A, protects us from the common cold.
Aids in weight loss – skip the gym, go for the big O! Orgasms curb your appetite with the release of dopamine. You can also get a good cardio workout during a half hour of sex burning at least 65 calories per position, per session. The more you do it the better it is for you.
Female ejaculation is still a hot button topic as demonstrated by the response to the research study just published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine that was then misappropriated by the popular website I Fucking Love Science.
In the 90s when “female ejaculation” became “a thing” I questioned the use of the word “female”. Why is it not just ejaculation? Why do we need the female modifier, as if it’s a lesser version of the “real thing”? People with penises ejaculate. People with vulvas ejaculate. People ejaculate as a sexual response to things that make them feel good. At the end of the day, that’s what is most important.
It’s called “female” because many people find it incomprehensible that men and women—people with all matter of genitalia—ejaculate. Some seem to maintain that ejaculation shall remain a marvel of man, untouchable and unachievable by the ladies.
It got to a point where women who ejaculate were making videos teaching other women how to do it. The pressure was on. And that’s exactly what we don’t need. But well-meaning female ejaculators wanted more women to experience the gush.
Studies have been done in order to figure out just what this “female ejaculate” that so-called squirters propel into the faces and eyes of their beloveds is made of. The Federation of Feminist Women’s Health Centers published their groundbreaking book A New View of a Woman’s Body in 1991 because they were done with the male bias in research that had rendered us disabled in our scientific information about female sexuality. They did their own dissections and renamed many female genital parts based on that research. Other small-scale studies have been done examining female ejaculate, which Rebecca Chalker outlines in The Clitoral Truth.
The recent study is no different. It’s small. It’s not a significant sample (7 women to be exact), and there is bias in the way the findings are discussed. But we love pop science and IFLS put out a headline that even the research didn’t state: “Study Concludes That Women Who Squirt During Sex Are Actually Peeing.” Nope. That’s not what the research says. It says urine is “indicated”. Along with prostatic fluid. Yep, female bodies make that too.
Sex Educator and Nurse-Midwife Sheri Winston proposes that female ejaculation is antimicrobial and designed to keep potential infection-producing agents out of the urethra.Given that women often get UTIs from sex it makes a whole lot of sense that our body would have a function to prevent infections that can cause dangerous kidney and full-body infections. Our bodies are amazing with immunity. Where’s the research on that? It’s a really good research question.
Let’s break down what’s really important about “female ejaculation”.
Number one: There is not nearly enough real science about healthy sexuality because healthy sexuality will never fill the pockets of big pharma. Our science on female sexuality is light years behind the science of male sexuality because it doesn’t get funded. Unless there is a sexual “dysfunction” involved that might require some pills—or that we could spin so people think they need more pills.
Two:Ejaculation is real in both males and females. Women report ejaculating and indeed it has been documented in old Chinese texts, The Kama Sutra, and by Aristotle. It’s not new and it’s not a myth. Ask any woman who experiences it. Seriously, why are some folks so avidly trying to discredit the ejaculate? #Ejaculatehappens
Three: Regardless of the content of the fluid, which does contain prostatic fluid from the paraurethral and Skene’s glands, it results from a sexual event. Calling it “bedwetting” or attempting to shame women because it contains urine is totally dismissive of the arousal that creates it. Amy Luna Manderino of the Sex Evolutionproposes we call it an “orgasmic flush.” This highlights the fact that sexual arousal produces the fluid. It is also likely that ejaculation has a function, as Winston purports.
Four: Women don’t need to feel pressure to ejaculate. We’ve got enough pressure about sex. If things are working and you are having pleasure, enjoy it. And if it’s important to you to learn this sex skill, then go to a workshop or check out the “How to Female Ejaculate” video and have at it. Avoid concluding that something about you is inadequate if you don’t seem to ejaculate. You could be You could be ejaculating in small amounts that are harder to detect or maybe you don’t. What’s important is that you are happy with your sexual functioning. Keep the pressure off.
If you are a woman who does ejaculate, please don’t let this poorly done research and research reporting shame you into holding back or altering how you come. If it feels good, enjoy it. Ejaculate is not the same as urine and even if it were? Urine is mostly water. If you ejaculate, fantastic. Keep having those orgasmic flushes and enjoy the ride.
Amy Jo Goddard is a Sexual Empowerment Coach who thrives on helping people have the delicious sex and relationships they desire. With 20 years of experience in the sexuality field, she works virtually with private clients, and holds sumptuous VIP Days in the beautiful Napa Valley. She facilitates a 9-month unique Women’s Sexual Empowerment Program where women have opportunities to deeply explore, heal and celebrate their sexuality and desire. Amy Jo travels as a speaker, and teaches classes that help people connect to their sexuality, make more money, and enjoy greater abundance and pleasure in their lives. She is working on a forthcoming book about sexual empowerment and writes about practical, real-world sexuality at amyjogoddard.com. You can subscribe to her weekly ezine to receive her sexual empowerment articles and videos, and for information on upcoming classes & trainings.
Ahh, Valentines Day; a day devoted to displays of affection. Yet it can be a depressingly heart-wrenching day of the year if you are not in a passionate relationship. Uggh. You wish there was a magic spell to cast for finding true love and happiness.
“Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.” — Ann Landers
You’ve done it all. Blind dates, supermarket stakeouts, and the online dating scene, yet you still strike out when it comes to finding l’amour. We go to extremes trying to attract the perfect mate: tucking things, plucking thing, taping things, dying and frying things to get that special someone to notice you. It’s frustrating to say the least. What’s worse is that even the mean cross-eyed receptionist in the doctors office is now engaged.
Your last resort would be to try and conjure up a love spell. Do they work? Who knows.
Take heart. Love requires planning and maneuvering. Now is the time that you take a long look in the mirror and ask yourself, what signals am I sending out?
But before you cross the enchanted bridge and begin to entice the divine powers, envision the person you want to become in order to attract the love that you want.
Light a soft pink candle.
Relax in a tub filled with sea salt and essential oils, like chamomile, Jasmine, lavender, rosemary, or rose.
Visualize white light surrounding you and begin meditating on how you can improve yourself.
Cover your bed in red or pink petals, and enjoy all of you, that you have to offer.
We’ve done crazy things to invoke the love goddess and did everything we could to welcome Cupid into our life. What have you done to attract love? Tell us:
Cherry blossoms – a symbol of new beginnings, feminine dominance and beauty
It’s that time again and with the New Year upon us, the New Year brings new things! So many people say “new year, new me” because you get 365 new days to reset the clock and live the life you have always wanted to live! For the New Year, remember to include resolutions to improve your relationship.
Don’t waste another day–in fact, don’t waist another moment! It isn’t necessary to wait for the beginning of the year to start afresh. As a matter of fact, start now! Decide that today is the day and now is the time to focus on enhancing the best you that there is to make you happy and your relationship thrive.
Starting a new workout regimen is great for the new year. When incorporating your workout schedule into your daily life, consider ways to plan for a sex-sational New Year and New You! While you’re pushing yourself to go harder in the gym, think about how much sexier you will look during your orgasms. Yes, yes, and oh yes! More orgasms can improve your physical, mental and emotional health! When you embrace your passionate self, you open the door to undiscovered desires.
Set aside some quiet time to connect with the intellectual beauty that you are, either alone or with your partner. Meditation is great to relieve stress while allowing you to experience a more intimate connection with your lover without penetration.
Image courtesy GenSpot
While lying in bed together, face each other and entwine your legs so the legs are resting scissor style with one another and allow his genitals to rest on her genitals. Relax, breathe deep, and focus on the space the two of you are sharing for a few moments.
Make your workout, part of foreplay
It’s the beginning of the New Year! Let your inhibitions down and like the athletic giant says, “Just Do It”, but do it together! Look at that body! See how hard your partner is working on developing strength and muscles? Yes, now imagine those ripped abs and muscular chest sweating all over your body. Shoot a few knowing glances at your partner. Let him know that after this workout, there will be a post workout at home (unless you can sneak a tryst in on the way). According to Dr. Laura Berman, a leading sex and relationship therapist on OWN, the Oprah Winfrey Network, make a resolution to stay open to the promise of sex even if you aren’t immediately in the mood. Kiss your partner, enjoy his touches, and let your mind delve into fantasy. Stay open to sex and tune into the pleasure of being touched and kissed. You will likely find that your body responds and that you are in the mood after all!
Have more sex, more often. Depending on your sex position, experts say 30 minutes of sex burns 85 calories or more. (Ladies, you will burn more calories during sex when you are on top). It may not sound like much, but it adds up: 42 half-hour sessions will burn 3,570 calories, more than enough to lose a pound. Wow! Orgasm plus weight loss! Yeah, that is a workout by itself!
Spice things up
February is the shortest month to try something new! Think of the freakiest thing you’ve ever wanted to try and go for it! Try a new sex toy – Need a bit of inspiration? Check out Embracedesires.comto get started. Do you want to be restrained? Has the book series50 Shades of Grey left you wanting to channel your inner Anastasia? You must tell your partner what interests you! Say, “Spank Me”. Be bold and daring, either way, tell your partner. Write it down and leave it as a little love note or, if you can’t leave an actual note, send a text message. Life is too short. Be as uninhibited as you desire with your lover! And oh, have fun with it!
As an added bonus, having sex may be good for your heart. A 20-year-long British study shows that men who had sex twice or more a week were half as likely to have a fatal heart attack than men who had sex less than once a month.
Spend Time Getting to Know What YOU Like
As the old saying goes, “how are you going to love someone if you can’t love yourself” – ok so we paraphrased a bit. Really get to know the one person you’ve been with your entire life! Self-stimulation is a normal, healthy and a wonderful way to get in touch with your hot spots. Be sure to have clean hands and use a high quality lube when pleasuring yourself to make each stroke wonderful. Once you’ve become familiar with what you like, go for mutual masturbation. Simultaneously, stimulate each other. For a unique and erotic experience, stimulate each other without penetration and see who comes to climax first. Winner gets to dominate. For stimulation without risk of a fatigued hand, use vibrating toys just grab the batteries or make sure everything is clean and charged, for clitoral and g-spot stimulation. Men can benefit from the use of a onacup (male masturbation sleeve) with a vibrating bullet. If you don’t know how to love yourself, nobody else will…
What better way to reduce stress than making yourself happy. Natural endorphins released during self-stimulating pleasure can improve your overall mood by improved circulation and relieving stress.
Be Bold and Daring in the Bedroom
Let’s get to the bottom of anal sex and straight men. Many straight guys have preconceived notions about anal play. Mainly, if you derive pleasure from anal stimulation, you must somehow be gay. Guys, you can still have the raging heterosexuality of an NFL offensive line and explore your all of your erogenous zones. The anus is full of sensitive nerve tissue that, when stimulated can bring immense pleasure. Sexual orientation doesn’t change based on pleasure zones. We recommend that you start by experimenting with a well silicone – lubed finger. If you are worried about residue, wear sterile gloves, and then lube your finger with a quality silicone lube. When you and your partner are ready, then you can graduate to anal plugs. Anal plugs with a flare at the end are best if you want to avoid a trip to the ER…”uh, Doc, I was reading this blog a few hours ago and…, well you get the idea. We highly suggest the use of silicone-based lubricants for pleasure during anal sex. The silicone will not be absorbed into your skin as would water-based lubes thus reducing friction and increasing pleasure. Word to the wise – START OFF SLOW! Your ass isn’t going anywhere! If it hurts, take a break.
Having sex, whether anal or vaginal, boosts your immunity. Having sex once or twice a week has been linked with higher levels of an antibody called immunoglobulin A or IgA, which can protect you from getting colds and other infections.
But, What Does That Mouth Do?
Woman Eating Lollipop image courtesy Getty Images
Give your partner mind-blowing pleasure throughout the year. Dedicate a time to perfecting your oral skills. Oral sex is one of the most delightful ways couples can give each other pleasure without saying a word. Many men are fans of blow jobs as it gives them intense sexual sensations and can bring him to a pretty intense orgasm. To make him go weak at the knees, when giving him a blow job linger on the parts of his anatomy that are particularly sensitive – the tip of his penis, his testicles and his perineum – the secret spot between the testicles and the anus. To really turn him on, include a quiet, yet powerful vibrating toy in your oral play. Then, blindfold him and tie him up. Gently place the toy under his scrotum (the balls) before you go down on him, then deep throat your man. Ladies, this make him moan with pleasure!
Some studies suggest that women love receiving oral sex also. We have to agree. In fact, 30 to 50 percent of women say they can’t reach an orgasm through intercourse alone. A woman’s clitoris is the most pleasure-sensitive part of her vagina and that’s where you’ll want to devote your attention. In fact, the tiny little clitoris has more sensory nerve endings than the entire penis! Stimulating your partner’s vulva, clitoris and entrance to the vagina using your tongue, lips and mouth will drive her wild, resulting in a super intense orgasm! So, relax and share the pleasure – both giving and receiving to experience a new dimension of sensuality…mmh, mmmh, good!
Why Not Improve Your Mood
Orgasms increase estrogen and endorphin levels which makes you feel good and naturally improves your mood.
Cock Ring 101. Intense Orgasms, Look Bigger. Yes, A Cock Ring Will Do That for YOU!
If you or your man ever wanted to experience more intense orgasms, he should wear a cock ring. Here are some basic rules why a man should wear a cock ring. Some men who have never worn a cock ring before (gasp! I know) wonder why should they. We are here to give you reasons why you should wear a cock ring.
Cock rings are designed to maintain erections and possibly create more intense orgasms. They are worn around the base of the penis, or around the penis and testicles, and restrict the blood flow from leaving the penis. Awesome, Right? Cock rings can also be a fun and exciting addition to anyone’s sex life, whether with a parnter or flying solo.
But you want us to tell you WHY you should wear a cock ring? What are good reasons to wear one. Ok, read on…
They feel good. It’s almost like the penis and testicles have a firm grip around them.
It can make the penis look – dare we say – BIGGER and maybe even LONGER
Cock rings can help the man who has trouble staying hard.
Gives you more intense orgasms. Gives you longer, firmer erections.
Now for some of the fun stuff. Do you know that there is a method to measuring yourself or your man for the perfect fit? Yes! Just as women need to be sized for the perfect engagement/wedding ring, men should be properly fitted for a cock ring.
MEASURING
To find the right ring size, take a piece of string (the same way if you needed to sneak at finding her ring size) and wrap it around the base of an ERECT penis, giving you the circumference. For rings worn around the penis and testicles, measure and wrap around behind
the testicles and as close to the body as you can while the penis is ERECT for the circumference. Because ring sizes are given in diameter, you will need to divide this number by Pi (3.14 – don’t worry if you were cutting class that day, we will help you figure it out).
For example: If the penis measures 6″ ÷ 3.14 =1.91. You will need a ring that is smaller that 1.91″ but within .25″ – .5″ to ensure a comfortable fit without constricting too much.
STYLE OF COCK RING
The style of the cock ring that you select should have a firm enough grip around the penis to restict blood flow, yet comfortable enough so that it does not completely cut blood circulation of entirely.
PUTTING ON A COCK RING
Adjustable cock rings can be put on any time during an erection by simply strething or strapping the ring so that it fits snuggly around the base of the penis or behind the testicles. Since they are flexible, they can also be removed easily at any time.
Firm non-adjustable rings:
Always start with a flaccid (non erect) penis
Holding the ring under the testicles, insert one at a time
Pull the penis through the ring and adjust for comfort.
To remove the ring, the penis must be flaccid, and simply reverse the process.
HOW LONG SHOULD I WEAR A COCK RING?
To prevent damage or bruising to the penis, a ring should not completely restrict the blood flow for longer than 20 minutes at a time. If discomfort is felt at any time, the ring should be removed as quickly and gently as possible.
We are pleased to offer both Adjustable and Non Adjustable style cock rings in a variety of materials. Visit our Men’s Store to find cock rings, penis jewelry and other sensual accessories just for men at The Men’s Store
Adjustable – great for beginners. They allow the user to experience what a penis ring can offer, while being able to remove them quickly if the sensations become too intense. These styles can be worn at the base of the penis or behind the testicles.
Non-Adjustable – Firm ring that have little or no flexibility for more advanced users who have experimented with rings before and are familiar with how intense the sensations can get. These are usually worn behind the testicles.
In the 90s when “female ejaculation” became “a thing” I questioned the use of the word “female”. Why is it not just ejaculation? Why do we need the female modifier, as if it’s a lesser version of the “real thing”? People with penises ejaculate. People with vulvas ejaculate. People ejaculate as a sexual response to things that make them feel good. At the end of the day, that’s what is most important.
Sex Educator and Nurse-Midwife 
Three: Regardless of the content of the fluid, which does contain prostatic fluid from the paraurethral and Skene’s glands, it results from a sexual event. Calling it “bedwetting” or attempting to shame women because it contains urine is totally dismissive of the arousal that creates it. 
Improving Relationships, One Fucking Couple at a Time 