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Improving Relationships, One Fucking Couple at a Time

Improving Relationships, One Fucking Couple at a Time

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Sexuality

Great Sex Comes With Age. Older couples becoming more adventurous in the bedroom.

Ok, I get it, humans are designed to get horny.  Only now as an official, bonafide adult do I get it.  In my naivete, I used to believe that sex was only for the young twenty-somethings.

Years ago, my grandmother had a friend whose boyfriend was closer to my then 20 something years, than her 60 some odd years.  I didn’t get it. I couldn’t let my brain accept the fact that this “old lady” was really allowing herself to indulge in consensual sex. I asked my grandmother, what was that all about, was he just with her for her social security check?  My grandmother’s response was a shocking, Yes, and she likes when he eats her jello.  Her WHAAATTT?  In my younger years, I could not imagine “old” people would still be interested in making love, having sex, whatever you want to call it.  Let alone with other old people.  Then I realized that I knew a lot of dirty old men.  A lot.  Somebody is having sex with them.  Lots of somebody’s.

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via GIPHY

Older people having sex is not so uncommon. According to a recent  Cosmopolitan article, studies conducted by sex researchers at the University of Guelph and the Sex Information and Education Council of Canada (SIECCAN), agree that your sex life does get better as you age.  Thank the mighty stars!  Because now as I coast through my forties, I find myself to be horny.  More like super horny.

Sometimes I’m so horny I can’t think. Then I get angry. Because the person I’m with doesn’t have the same sex drive. Frustrating.

Great Sex Comes with Age.

If you found that the older you have become, the more your desire for sex increases, let us know!

Want to Be a Better Lover? Get Rid of Bedroom Clutter in 4 Easy Steps

With most couples sex is a very important part of the relationship, as well as where the sex takes place. Many people like to be adventurous and try new things and new places. That was great before careers, cameras, and kids came into the picture.   Now, in our adult reality, we all know the most intercourse between couples takes place in the bedroom. So get ready to be a better lover, because we are about to help you get rid of the clutter!
Your bedroom should be an inviting playroom for sex.

Interior luxury bedroom
image courtesy of AdobeStock
When you look at your bedroom what do you see? Exercise equipment that has turned into a coat rack? Children’s toy’s and other clutter that is preventing you from being the best lover .
What about that brand new flat screen tv?  While all of these things may seem like creature comforts, they are actually mental distractions to what could be amazing, mind blowing sex!
The wonderful design experts at IBB Design Fine Furnishings have some great tips to start a bedroom makeover.
If clothes make the man, then his living space should also be indicative of who he is as well. If you’ve ever visited a potential lover’s house, only to discover that the place is a mess, guess what…Big Turn Off!  Dirty dishes in the sink, clothes on the floor, or worse, critters — roaches, rodents, even the occasional filthy roommate is a big no no.
Your(potential) lover could be the sexiest man alive (Hi Idris Elba), but if that living space is a wreck, you’ve just ruined your chance at intimacy.
There really is something sexy about visiting someone’s home for the first time in anticipation of getting laid.
But, your partner can’t relax in a messy place.

A few tips to tidy up your place to make sure you are the best lover possible.

  1. Fumigate –  If you know that those crawling, disgustingly unwelcome guests (we’re not talking about your roommate) in your house always make an appearance when you are trying to get lucky, and if time time permits, call an exterminator – or just  do it yourself
  2. Dust – Believe it or not, dust collects EVERY day.  Dust the baseboards, TV’s, counters and your dresser.  it will make a huge difference.
  3. Organize – Put away all of your clothes.  If they don’t fit in your closetor dresser where the doors/drawers can close, invest in storage containers to fit your adult lifestlye.
  4. Aromatics – We are visual creatures, yes, but there is nothing more stimulating to the senses than the olfactory delight of a sophisticated and seductive scent to tantalize and entice your lover. Light a candle and set the mood.  Inhale the sensual bouquet and watch the mesmerizing flicker of the flame as your guest warms up to you even more.

We want to hear from you!  Tell us in the comments how you make your room attractive to a potential lover.

Open Up – Who are you calling a FREAK? Sometimes, you need to set the record straight

relationship advice column, embrace desires
Share Your Thoughts – Open Up with Embracedesires.com

I wanted to get this off of my chest.  Why aren’t people truly comfortable with their sexuality?

In hushed whispers, and secret online groups, people will discuss how much of a “freak” they are, yet don’t own any sex toys.  Not to say that owning sex toys (or a sex toy company) automatically makes you a “freak” it just shows that you are open to alternative sexual adventures.  I love sex toys and all of the sensual accessories that compliment them, but I don’t consider myself to be a “freak”. That term really puts my panties in a bunch.  I’m sexually explorative.  As long as it doesn’t involve children, animals or illegal acts, I’ll try it at least once.  And very proud of that fact.  I have embraced my desire to explore sexually stimulating and pleasure enhancing activities.  Shit, I’m grown. Or so, I am told.

But when I meet someone new and they discover the products that I have in my stash, all of a sudden, I’m a freak.  Get over it already.  Thanks to the internet, most people I know that are sexually active do far more exploring than I have ever done.  Ever.  And then there are those who haven’t done a third of what I’ve done.

I have discovered that some cultures embrace the natural progression from innocence to knowledge when it comes to sexual experiences, whereas others simply do not.

I recall reading this Awesome book filled with many Great stories and one of the stories told was of this Man who said “let he who is without sin, cast the first stone” and surprisingly no stone was tossed.  Let this be a lesson.

Torn Between Two Lovers – Talking To Your Partner About An Open Relationship

Open Relationships; A fantasy some people think of.  How do you start talking to your partner about having an open relationship? Being pleased by your lover and another simultaneously is extremely erotic.  But what happens when your otherwise reserved partner admits that having a threesome is something they want to experience, not just in their head?  So many questions come up?  Does my partner want to live out this fantasy because I am not satisfying them sexually?  Is this the beginning of the end of our relationship?  Could this be an excuse that my partner is using to walk away from our relationship?

abstract heart people 123rtf

Three’s Company.

Not the sassy sitcom with the two female and sole male roommate from the seventies, we’re talking about what happens when people agree to an open marriage or open relationship?  When two people make the decision to bring in a third (or more) partner can be both exciting and frightening.  To ease that transition, try reading The Threesome Handbook – A practical guide to sleeping with three by Vicky Vantoch.  Her book provides a practical guide to sleeping with three.  It gives perks of the poly-amorous lifestyle, especially how to prevent jealousy and finding the perfect third partner for BOTH of you.

But here are some basic tips for those interested in exploring the threesome lifestyle:

  • Don’t include a friend, family member or co-worker.  (you have to deal with them on a regular basis and if things didn’t go well, you may have created a mess).
  • Do NOT include your ex!
  • Take a trip.  Find someone who is willing and someone you won’t have to see on a regular basis.
  • Remember who the original couple is.  Tend to your partner’s needs and keep in mind that the third person is just extra, not a replacement.  This means that the third person shouldn’t linger in the bed with you and your partner.
  • Reassure your partner.  What you two are doing is for the pleasure of you both. Tell your partner how much your experience turns you on, Your partner is your main priority, so make sure to tell them.
  • Practice safe sex.  Let’s face it, STI’s are still out there and the person you bring into your relationship may have a dormant infection that they didn’t tell you about.  Plus there are so many fun condoms in different textures to choose from.
  • Set up guidelines on what is acceptable and discuss them with your partner BEFOREHAND.

Need more reading material on introducing a third partner into your relationship?  Shop now at www.embracedesires.com

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Sex Buddy Coming Over? Shut the Front Door – Just make sure it is unlocked!

She doesn’t really like him that much. To be truthful, when they were together as an exclusive couple during their college years, they were incompatible, to say the least.

The rekindling of their “relationship” quickly turned them into becoming sex buddies.  It was the typical “I will call you when I want sex from you”.  It has worked for them many years after their exclusive relationship ended.

He wasn’t all that bad.  He did have one remarkable thing about him.  He knew how to go down on her, and he was great at it.  There’s nothing wrong with just wanting a man because he can eat good pussy is it? Her thoughts are, men keep women around for similar reasons so why shouldn’t she be able to as well.  Anyway, they’ve known each other a long time, four years to be exact and even though they hardly speak on the phone, they manage to remain friendly towards one another.

Their sex buddy agreement was she gets to decide when, how, where, and how, he was simply there for her pleasure.

Earlier in the week, they agreed to meet, she was horny and he was in willing. He missed her taste.  Her curves.  He missed her scent. Suffice it to say that he anticipated her visit as much as she anticipated his.  She took her hot bubble bath to get the seductive scent she knew turned him on, to soak into her skin, swallowed her Sweeten69 secretion sweetener pills so her juices taste sweeter,

(after all, he was coming for a meal) had a couple glasses of wine to mellow out, (the thought of looking at him required her to be a bit less than sober) the red vines were firmly in place (a sexy trick she picked up) and for once was on time and headed out of the door.

Once inside of the car, she called and told him that she was on her way and an approximate time that she expected to be there.

All of the traffic lights were green (a good sign from the Universe, she thought), made it to his house in record time AND found parking close to their designated meeting.

She gets out, of the car, takes extra care in how she struts to the door – he always enjoyed watching her breasts jiggle when she walked besides, you never know who is watching – there could be a potential suitor looking, then discovers…. The fucking door is Locked!!!!

After all the time that you have been waiting and wanting her, get her to agree to come over and you leave the door locked?

Since when does he lock the damn door?!?!?  The door has never been locked for any of their other meetups.  Why now?  Do you expect her to stand out there ringing the bell like some desperate teenager?  This is a grown ass Woman!  What does she do?

No worries.

She does what any woman would do.

She left. She turned around, with her head held high, walked confidently back to her car and drove off.

He gets upset and says she was wrong.  Was she?

No Commitment. No Confusion. Jump Off Rules to Live By

Rules for the jumpoff

People are having more and more sex. According to a recent Trojan condoms survey, the average American is having sex 151 times this year, compared to 120 times last year. With so many people having so much sex, somebody is definitely a jump off.

What is a jump off?

A jump off is a person whose sole purpose is to bring sexual gratification to another person with little effort and little money spent. A jump off is usually a woman, sometimes a man who only sees their “partner” when the partner expresses interest.

How do you know you are a jumpoff?
You don’t have sex with this person regularly. You rarely go out on any dates. You appear at their house or other designated places to have sex at when they are horny. You arrive at odd hours and leave before the neighbors know of your presence.

Were you asked to send any naked pictures of yourself? (you were already considered jump off material).

Consider under what circumstances you two met. Was there drinking? Was it an online meeting, or in a club or bar? and think of how you two ended up in bed. Did this person offer to take you out? (movies don’t count, all you do is sit in the dark and feel each other while the movie is playing – an indication of the fucking that comes later) did anyone Buy you dinner at a real restaurant?

You are told that the person you are jumping off with is single. New flash: Most people are technically single. If they are not married, then they are legally SINGLE. You should ask if there is anyone else in the picture that they are fucking or somehow involved with. Don’t make assumptions that being single means they are alone. What do you think they were doing before you came along?

Once you realize or even suspect that you are a jump off, here are some rules to follow if you want to continue this sexual relationship.

  • Never beg/ask to be kept. If your sex partner tells you out of the blue that they can’t see you, accept that you were a jump off and move on. Asking if there is something you can do to make them stay is worthless unless you can turn yourself into the person they really want to be with.
  •  If you are fucking Multiple other people… Let the other person know.
  • Honesty doesn’t apply to you, the jump off. You are not entitled to anything but the occasional fuck. You will be told any story so you can be fucked and tossed.
  • Accept the occasional calls/texts during normal business hours. Be grateful if you get any outside of that and when that communication stops, chances are your jump off status is done.
  • Social media is great, but don’t go posting ‘woe is me’ status updates on Facebook and Twitter about how you are hurt over being dumped. Just move on to the next. Lesson learned.
  • Never leave any personal items.
  • Keep it to yourself unless you’re promoting a threesome with an even better looking person.
  • There can’t be any babies, so stay on birth control.
  • Do not plan on staying over two hours (cleanup time included).
  • Do not try to tongue kiss.
  • If you two should ever meet in public while with another, ignore them as if you don’t know them, unless they come to you first.

If you are not interested in being someone’s jump off, simply take your time and get to know a person. Follow a rule of five.  Five Real DATES to see where this persons thinking head is at.  If they are only interested in having sex with you, they won’t make it through the rule of five.  If sex is the one thing that attracted you to this person, and you have sex with them soon after the two of you meet, chances are likely that you will be the jump off.

There you have it, in plain english. Theses are the rules– no exceptions– so know your role and play your part.

Tattoo Your Taboo – Being Freak-y is Fabulous

Why aren’t people really comfortable with their sexuality?
In hushed whispers, people will discuss how much of a “freak” they are, but don’t own any sex toys. Not to say that owning sex toys (or a sex toy company) automatically makes you a “freak”, it just shows that you are open to alternative sexual experiences. I love sex toys and all of the sensual accessories that compliment them, but I don’t consider myself to be a “freak”. That term really puts my panties in a bunch. When I was growing up, the only reference to freaks were either in the circus or other sideshow anomaly. I’m no circus performer, nor do I swallow deadly stainless steel swords. (Swallowing other large objects… well, that is another story).  I’m a lover of erotic pleasures. I’m sexually explorative, and very proud of it.  I have embraced my desire to explore sexually stimulating and pleasure enhancing activities. Shit, I’m grown. At least my age says that I am.

The one thing that I marvel at are people who act like they don’t indulge in sex or those people who act like sexcessories are taboo.

Go to any adult novelty store or party and you will find hordes of horny adult women, all of various ages, giggling like little girls over the extensive variety and massive dildos, the sensual oils (perhaps the fantasy of a pair of strong hands rubbing all over their body does wonders) and tasty edibles (are we really still grossed out by the taste of sperm?  Masque it already)

So you know what I say? ”Tattoo your Taboo!” (figuratively of course, however, whether you choose to actually do so is ENTIRELY up to you). Wear it like a badge of honor, own up to it. Let’s dress it up and take the sting out of the word and make it ours.
And let’s face it, circus freaks are called ”freaks” because they are out of the ordinary, uncommon, and entertaining. So when you’re considered ”freak-y” you’re extraordinary! No sexual encounter of any kind leaves a lasting impression if it has been the same old thing. But If you want to do away with the label altogether all you have to do is remember this one thing. The next time someone calls you a “Freak” simply tell them: “No… you’re just boring”.

Anal Sex Tips

You’ve been considering giving anal sex a try, but you weren’t sure if you will enjoy it.  We know the feeling.  We were there once before and wanted to share some of our experiences we’ve had with you. The most important thing you can do is
Relax!   The anus is full of sensitive nerve endings that can feel amazing when stimulated by a tongue, finger, penis, or toy.
Before engaging in any anal sex activity, you should be completely prepared – mentally and physically.  Foreplay before anal sex is not only fun, but downright necessary.
Here are our top ten tips for enjoying anal sex:

1.     Cleanliness is…Important
You want all of your intimate moments to be memorable, especially your anal sex experience.   You just don’t want to remember any brown residue after your partner withdraws from your anus.  This residue could be fecal matter and/or a combination of fecal matter and mucus membranes.  There isn’t much you can do to eliminate your mucus membranes, but you can control your bowels.    Prior to engaging in anal sex include a diet high in fiber to keep your colon clean.  Short on time?  Try using an anal douche or enema about an hour before intercourse.  This will allow any remaining fluid from the enema or douche to exit your body making your experience more comfortable.  Remember, you can jump into the shower afterward to refresh yourself and your partner.

2.     Keep it Wet
By wet, we mean your intestines.  Drink plenty of water.    This may sound silly but, when you don’t drink enough water, your body becomes dehydrated.  Water hydrates your intestines and helps elimination by producing softer stools.  If you are dehydrated you may become constipated.  Constipation = Uncomfortable sex.  No one wants sex to be uncomfortable.

3.     LUBE LUBE LUBE
We cannot stress this enough.  Use plenty of lube.  Unlike the vagina and the mouth, the anus  does not provide its own moisture.  We recommend using a silicone based lube.  Silicone lasts longer than water based lubes and does not dry out or get yucky.  If you are using a latex safe condom, and it says “lubricated”, for the purpose of anal sex, the lube isn’t enough, so always add more.

4. Foreplay
Before you and your partner get started, play with your anus.  Insert a well lubricated object (just make sure there are no jagged edges ie fingernails, damaged toys) inside of you or have your partner massage the rim of your anus.  When you are both ready, consider exploring safe analingus (oral sex of the anus) with your partner – you can cut open a condom and place it over the opening of the anus to protect yourself from bacteria normally found in the anus.

5.  Watch those signs!

The prospect of having anal sex is as exciting for the giver as well as the receiver.  Make sure your partner proceeds with caution! When you are ready, your anus will relax to let you know, your partner should slowly insert a toy or their penis inside of you.  A penis, even a toy, is a large object to insert inside of an anus, so be patient.  It may seem like it is taking forever to completely enter you, but the rewards are well worth it.  After anal foreplay and you are relaxed enough allow your partner to enter you partially giving your body time to adjust to the size and fit.  Breathe slowly until you are relaxed and you feel yourself opening up more.  When you do open more, allow your partner to go deeper.  If you need a break, have your partner withdraw partially, then attempt re-entry going deeper with each stroke.

6.    The Experience
If at any time during anal sex, you feel extreme pain or discomfort, STOP.  That is your body telling you that you are at risk for damage.  Let your partner know that you need a break.  Take some time, and when you are ready, add more lube and go for it.  embracedesires.com does not endorse desensitizing products for anal sex.

7.  Play Time
Another way of preparing yourself for anal sex is to stretch your muscles yourself.  You can use butt plugs.  This is a wonderful way to easily welcome your partner inside of you.

8. Move
Anal sex doesn’t have to be performed in one position.  It is crucial that you find the position that is most comfortable for you to receive your partner.  For anal sex beginners, try starting out flat on your stomach.  Once you have accepted your partner and the pleasure takes over, switch positions, you may be surprised to find your anal sex experience is more pleasurable in a position different from the one you started out with.

9.     Rest Room
If after enjoying anal sex, you feel like going to the bathroom, Go.  Just don’t strain.

10.     Back to basics
After you and your partner revel in the pleasure that is anal sex, you see some “leftovers”, don’t panic.  This is natural.  Just go clean yourself off, better yet, make it a prelude to more.  Shower together and clean each other off.

Anal Sex Tips – Your Guide to Entering Through the Rear

As Featured On EzineArticles

You’ve been considering giving anal sex a try, but you weren’t sure if you will enjoy it.

Relax; the anus is full of sensitive nerve endings that feel amazing when stimulated by a tongue, finger, penis, or toy. Before engaging in anal sex, you should be completely prepared – mentally and physically. Foreplay before anal sex is not only fun, but downright necessary.
Here are our top ten tips for enjoying anal sex:

1. Cleanliness is… Important

You want all of your intimate moments to be memorable, especially your anal sex experience. You just don’t want to remember any brown residue after your partner withdraws from your anus. This residue could be fecal matter and/or a combination of fecal matter and mucus membranes. There isn’t much you can do to eliminate your mucus membranes, but you can control your bowels. Prior to engaging in anal sex include a diet high in fiber to keep your colon clean. Short on time? Try using an anal douche or enema about an hour before intercourse. This will allow any remaining fluid from the enema or douche to exit your body making your experience more comfortable. Remember, you can jump into the shower afterward to refresh yourself and your partner.

2. Keep it Wet

By wet, we mean your intestines. Drink plenty of water. This may sound silly but, when you don’t drink enough water, your body becomes dehydrated. Water hydrates your intestines and helps elimination by producing softer stools. If you are dehydrated you may become constipated. Constipation = Uncomfortable sex. No one wants sex to be uncomfortable.

3. LUBE LUBE LUBE

We cannot stress this enough. Use plenty of lube. Unlike the vagina and the mouth, the anus does not provide its own moisture. We recommend using a silicone based lube. Silicone lasts longer than water based lubes and does not dry out or get yucky. If you are using a latex safe condom, and it says “lubricated”, for the purpose of anal sex, the lube isn’t enough, so always add more.

4. Foreplay

Before you and your partner get started, play with your anus. Insert a well lubricated object (just make sure there are no jagged edges ie fingernails, damaged sex toys) inside of you or have your partner massage the rim of your anus. When you are both ready, consider exploring safe analingus (oral sex of the anus) with your partner – if you do not have any dental dams, you can cut open a condom lengthwise and place it over the opening of the anus to protect yourself from bacteria normally found in the anus.

5. Watch those signs!

The prospect of having anal sex is as exciting for the giver as well as the receiver. Make sure your partner proceeds with caution! When you are ready, your anus will relax to let you know. Your partner should slowly insert a toy like the Little Flirt by Tantus or their penis inside of you. A penis, even a toy, is a large object to insert inside of an anus, so be patient. It may seem like it is taking forever to completely enter you, but the rewards are well worth it. After anal foreplay and you are relaxed enough, allow your partner to enter you partially giving your body time to adjust to the size and fit. Breathe slowly until you are relaxed and you feel yourself opening up more. When you do open more, allow your partner to go deeper. If you need a break, have your partner withdraw partially, then attempt re-entry going deeper with each stroke.

6. The Experience

If at any time during anal sex, you feel extreme pain or discomfort, STOP. That is your body telling you that you are at risk for damage. Let your partner know that you need a break. Take some time, and when you are ready, add more lube and go for it.

7. Play Time

Another way of preparing yourself for anal sex is to stretch your muscles yourself. You can use butt plugs. This is a wonderful way to easily welcome your partner inside of you.

8. Move

Anal sex doesn’t have to be performed in one position. It is crucial that you find the position that is most comfortable for you to receive your partner. For anal sex beginners, try starting out flat on your stomach. Once you have accepted your partner and the pleasure takes over, switch positions, you may be surprised to find your anal sex experience is more pleasurable in a position different from the one you started out with.

9. Rest Room

If after enjoying anal sex, you feel like going to the bathroom, Go. Just don’t strain.

10. Back to basics

After you and your partner revel in the pleasure that is anal sex, you see some “leftovers”, don’t panic. This is natural. Just go clean yourself off, better yet, make it a prelude to more. Shower together, clean each other off and go back for more.

As Featured On EzineArticles

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