Remember the old lottery commercials? You know the ones that used to tell you that you have to be in it to win it? Well, relationships are a lot like that. You have to be an active participant. It’s not enough to have a strong desire to win and then dream about all of the things that you will be able to do once you won. Sometimes you have to embrace that every ticket will not have the winning numbers.
But if you do decide to play, then understand the rules and remember that you are supposed to have fun, and to also Indulge in yourself a little. But you may wonder, “What are the rules”? The rules are very basic:
1.Respect yourself – understand what does and doesn’t work for you and honor that.
2.Respect your partner – remember you chose this person and which says something about your choices.
3.Respect your relationship – no one outside of your relationship should know the intimate details of what goes on between you and your partner.
Sounds simple,but so many people lose themselves and their way trying to support relationships where there is no respect. Where there is respect, there is the opportunity to honor, support and rollicking good times.
The same way that a winning lottery ticket can improve your life, a respectful winning relationship will vastly improve your lifestyle. You will enjoy better health, less stress, and a more meaningful intimacy with your partner.
Did we leave out anything? Let us know in the comments.
What the fuck are you thinking? We have all had that moment in our relationship, a time or two, that makes you wonder why your relationship isn’t as good as it used to be. But I am starting to believe that men are simple and they forget about the four F’s.
Not necessarily in that order…
Okay, I contend that the same effing things hold true for women. Depending on which F is the most significant determines what things we are willing to compromise on and when. I admit in my secret heart of hearts that I may or may not always place FAMILY at the top. In my defense, the way that I think — if I’m good with the other three F’s, then my family will be taken care of and my house will be in order.
Family first and Family over everything, right? Well, sometimes. You want to make sure that you aren’t in a relationship with a momma’s boy or someone who has an already made family that they are extremely attached to. Where would that leave you? Find out in the early stages of dating where this person stands when it comes to their romantic life and whether or not they are able to include you.
Have you heard the phrase, “no romance without finance”? Well nowadays, that’s even more applicable. It’s all about the money, honey. Don’t let anyone tell you that cash isn’t king. You need money for everything. Bills need to be paid, and every so often, you should enjoy a date night with your partner. Now for all of the hopeless romantics out there, fuhgettabout living off of love. I simply cannot function well if my money is not right.
Feed my soul and my body. The old adage is true,– the way to a (wo)man’s heart is through the stomach. I need enough to fuel my body. But the food you present to me must look good, smell great, and taste amazing. Quite simply, I am not happy if my hunger isn’t satisfied. Don’t even think about trying to order some dollar menu meal and think it’s okay. Who wants to fuck while your belly growls from hunger?
I cannot think straight if I am not regularly loved. The human body is perfectly designed for pleasure as it is equipped with many erogenous zones for sensual arousal. Not to mention the fact that, when performed vigorously, sexual activity burns calories and releases happy, happy endorphins that we all need to get through this thing called life.
In essence, when it comes to the four F’s, men and women are pretty much the same creatures with different stripes. Embrace your own needs, so you can embrace your partner’s as well.
I am opening up because I need an answer. Where are the good men? I meet a potential mate, but then somewhere, early on, things don’t seem to work. Help me figure this one out.
Q: I keep falling for the same type of guy? I’m educated, I have a great career, but I still find myself with the same type of man who loves me, then leaves me. I have a college degree, am established in my career and I know what I want in a man. A man who is educated, single, no drama, earns more than I do, and knows how to pamper a woman. What is wrong with me? Am I asking for too much?
A: Man! oh man, are we all too familiar with THIS scenario. First off, the good men ARE out there. It’s how you present yourself initially that determines how you will be treated. You sometimes have to fall back in your interactions with men. Men don’t always want an independent woman who not only knows that she is independent, but embraces her independence. What would he be needed for if a woman touts her accomplishments but doesn’t allow the man to lead, in the traditional sense. If all you want is attention, you don’t need a man, you need a pet.
If you’ve been with your partner for years, then you know how easy it is to fall out of like (or even love) with them. You probably fell into the same old mundane routine that most long-term committed couples go through:
Wake up, go to work, come home, eat (maybe you have dinner together, maybe not). It’s easy to feel disconnected from your partner after you have put in time together.
Look inside of your soul for the person you loved. Reconnect with your partner, and remember how pleasurable they once were, just by using your senses.
When it comes to reconnecting with your mate you want to:
Start with a gentle touch. Caress your lover with long sensual strokes up and down the curves of their body. Feel how wonderful their skin feels against tips of your fingers.
Embrace your partner as if it is the first time the two of you have been together. Pull your lover closer to you, as if you never want to let them go.
Use your tongue and taste their flesh. Allow your lips to ever so gently graze theirs, while you drink in the sweet saltiness of their essence.
Inhale your partners fragrance. Burrow your nose deeply into them and enjoy their aura. Your love is better than the fragrance of your perfume.
Look at how beautiful you are in your lovers’ eyes! Gaze at your partner. Look into their soul and be reminded of how you once felt and relax knowing that the fire is still there for you.
I need to open up. My best friend is always in love with every man she gets with, we argue all the time that she doesn’t know what love is and that she’s in love with the idea of being in love. I don’t want our friendship to end, but we need help.
What should this person do? Open up to this person. Have you ever been in love with the idea of being in love? Are you the type of person to fall in love easily? Let us know.
You woke up this morning and realized….it’s over. There’s no going back. You are no longer half of a couple, you are now single.
Single.. in a world of couples. While it may seem like the end of the world, IT. IS. NOT. THE. END. OF. THE. WORLD.
But how would anyone know how to move on after the relationship is over?
First don’t play the blame game. It wasn’t either one’s fault. You simply weren’t meant to be each others ‘forever’ person. It doesn’t’ matter if one was faithful and the other wasn’t, if one was abusive or abused (and abuse occurs whenever a person is made to feel less than of human by another person), or if the relationship stopped ‘feeling’ like a relationship. The simple truth is.. IT’S OVER.
What do you do now? Accept the fact that you haven’t YET met your soulmate. Work on improving YOU so you will be ready when you do meet your ‘forever” person.
Secondly, do not speak negatively to anyone about your ex.
Third, do not wallow in self pity and hurt.
Fourth, do not play the coulda, woulda, shoulda game. There is NOTHING you ‘coulda’ done, ‘woulda’ done or ‘shoulda’ done that would have changed the ultimate demise of the relationship. Most importantly, do not play any games at all. That only hurts and stagnates your emotional and mental growth.
Lastly, do not hold onto every last memento you ever received from your ex. Getting rid of some things helps in the healing process. It is a process where you alone determine the length of the process and its success.
You see, the power is in you to change and grow beyond the raw emotion you feel now.
Avoid emotional suicide; you need time to recover from this temporary situation. Do NOT under any circumstances, jump into another relationship right away! Resist the desire to replace your partner with another until you are emotionally prepared.
Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.
So what do you do? You set a goal for yourself.
YOUR goal is growth – a deeper more powerful positive growth mentally, physically and emotionally.
♥ Take an honest, objective 20/20 hindsight look at the relationship, recognize the good parts of it and if necessary take notes on a legal pad. Embrace the wonderfully cathartic release of emotions this can be.
♥ Think kindly of your ex and all that was brought into the relationship by her/him. These are traits that are dominant in your future soulmate. Learn to appreciate those qualities. But don’t romanticize your ex. After all if it was that good, your ex wouldn’t be your ex right?
♥ Take a deep breath and realize that it is okay to be single. Recognize that you really need the time to recharge your emotional batteries as well as readjust your focus on life. This way you can better equip yourself for your beautiful future.
♥ Work on improving YOU in order for your soulmate to recognize you.
♥ Make changes in your lifestyle.
Paint your living space or add some accent fixtures.
Take a yoga class, go to a gym, modify your wardrobe (you’ve heard of ‘dress for success’, now all you need to do is ‘dress the way you want to be addressed’)
Educate your palate by taking wine and cooking classes
Learn a foreign language
Audit some college courses or go back to college and get your degree
Try something strange and different for yourself.
It’s never too late to make you a better you. And you deserve it, you wonderful person you.
Share with us ways that you were able to move on after your relationship was over
If clothes make the man, what does his living space say about him? I’ve wondered this for a while. Think about it, if you’ve ever visited a love interest who said all of the right things, smelled and looked great drove a clean looking ride, and when you get to where they live, you are turned off. The place looks a mess. Wherever you look, you see dirty dishes/laundry/furniture/floor. There is an odor that gets caught in your throat. You dodge vermin and yet they are so comfortable with living like a slob that they are not bothered by your discomfort, at all. They could be the sexiest person on Earth, but if that place is a mess, it doesn’t matter how attractive looking they are, or anything — deals off, I’m out.
Trust me, I am in no way a Felix Unger, nor am I an Oscar Madison, but I do fall happily in the middle, keeping sure my place looks neat and lived in. But what do you do when your potential partner’s place is so unkempt? Do you stay and start to clean up? Or would you think of excuses to leave?
There really is something extra sexy when you visit someone’s home who you are interested in and discover that not only does it look nicely furnished, but it also smells nice. It seems to make the sex incredibly better. Sex is sexier when the place is clean
Seems that I am not the only one who thinks this way. I stumbled across this video recently and it pretty much summed up my thoughts. If the living space is nice, oh yeah, you will be getting some ass. But only if the place is nice.