Every year, it happens. Without fail I want to bring in the new year with someone to love, who loves me back with the same fervor, who am I kidding, I want someone who loves me more than I love them.
When you are in a committed relationship, things don’t always play out the way you imagined it should in your head.
You get comfortable. Very comfortable. I am talking about wearing grungy clothes comfy. That isn’t always a bad thing, but sometimes you have to get dressed and remind your significant other WHY they were interested in you in the first place.
Every year when it’s time to ring in the new beginning, I am the one to fall asleep. How can you celebrate the concept of new beginnings when you are doing the same thing over and over? It isn’t an easy task. We should want to celebrate a new love interest, even if that love interest has been in your life longer than your favorite shoes.
It’s time to regain the love. I want to fall in love with my partner and myself again.
I find myself asking these questions: “How did we fall in love the first place?” “How and did we actually fall out of love?”
In this New Year, I am taking control. It’s time to stop the internal arguments and really listen to my significant other. I am renewing my vow to take time out to appreciate their point of view, even if it is one that I don’t agree with.
Life is too short. Will I really be better of without them? Or do I just need some time to be alone and reflect – I read somewhere that every once in a while, certain personality types really need to unplug and be alone. Sometimes, (brace yourselves because this might sound morbid) when things get really intense between my dear partner, I plan funerals, I am talking about complete services including who will sing and what will I wear. I even plan out my new life. And the thought being without this person hits – HARD. I imagine how lonely I would be. I know the heartache would be unbearable. Feeling that I alienated myself, intentionally just for a moment of solitude just seems self- serving. Then I stop to make myself remember why I decided to be with this incredible person who has been with me and all of my crazy and realize that I really am better with them, than without.
It’s a new year. Time to try something new to embrace all that is waiting in 2017.
How do you handle your long-term relationship? Do you feel like you are stuck sometimes, but still love your partner?
With most couples sex is a very important part of the relationship, as well as where the sex takes place. Many people like to be adventurous and try new things and new places. That was great before careers, cameras, and kids came into the picture. Now, in our adult reality, we all know the most intercourse between couples takes place in the bedroom. So get ready to be a better lover, because we are about to help you get rid of the clutter!
Your bedroom should be an inviting playroom for sex.image courtesy of AdobeStock
When you look at your bedroom what do you see? Exercise equipment that has turned into a coat rack? Children’s toy’s and other clutter that is preventing you from being the best lover .
What about that brand new flat screen tv? While all of these things may seem like creature comforts, they are actually mental distractions to what could be amazing, mind blowing sex!
If clothes make the man, then his living space should also be indicative of who he is as well. If you’ve ever visited a potential lover’s house, only to discover that the place is a mess, guess what…Big Turn Off! Dirty dishes in the sink, clothes on the floor, or worse, critters — roaches, rodents, even the occasional filthy roommate is a big no no.
Your(potential) lover could be the sexiest man alive (Hi Idris Elba), but if that living space is a wreck, you’ve just ruined your chance at intimacy.
There really is something sexy about visiting someone’s home for the first time in anticipation of getting laid.
But, your partner can’t relax in a messy place.
A few tips to tidy up your place to make sure you are the best lover possible.
Fumigate – If you know that those crawling, disgustingly unwelcome guests (we’re not talking about your roommate) in your house always make an appearance when you are trying to get lucky, and if time time permits, call an exterminator – or just do it yourself
Dust – Believe it or not, dust collects EVERY day. Dust the baseboards, TV’s, counters and your dresser. it will make a huge difference.
Organize – Put away all of your clothes. If they don’t fit in your closetor dresser where the doors/drawers can close, invest in storage containers to fit your adult lifestlye.
Aromatics – We are visual creatures, yes, but there is nothing more stimulating to the senses than the olfactory delight of a sophisticated and seductive scent to tantalize and entice your lover. Light a candle and set the mood. Inhale the sensual bouquet and watch the mesmerizing flicker of the flame as your guest warms up to you even more.
We want to hear from you! Tell us in the comments how you make your room attractive to a potential lover.
If you’ve been with your partner for years, then you know how easy it is to fall out of like (or even love) with them. You probably fell into the same old mundane routine that most long-term committed couples go through:
Wake up, go to work, come home, eat (maybe you have dinner together, maybe not). It’s easy to feel disconnected from your partner after you have put in time together.
Look inside of your soul for the person you loved. Reconnect with your partner, and remember how pleasurable they once were, just by using your senses.
When it comes to reconnecting with your mate you want to:
Start with a gentle touch. Caress your lover with long sensual strokes up and down the curves of their body. Feel how wonderful their skin feels against tips of your fingers.
Embrace your partner as if it is the first time the two of you have been together. Pull your lover closer to you, as if you never want to let them go.
Use your tongue and taste their flesh. Allow your lips to ever so gently graze theirs, while you drink in the sweet saltiness of their essence.
Inhale your partners fragrance. Burrow your nose deeply into them and enjoy their aura. Your love is better than the fragrance of your perfume.
Look at how beautiful you are in your lovers’ eyes! Gaze at your partner. Look into their soul and be reminded of how you once felt and relax knowing that the fire is still there for you.
Open Relationships; A fantasy some people think of. How do you start talking to your partner about having an open relationship? Being pleased by your lover and another simultaneously is extremely erotic. But what happens when your otherwise reserved partner admits that having a threesome is something they want to experience, not just in their head? So many questions come up? Does my partner want to live out this fantasy because I am not satisfying them sexually? Is this the beginning of the end of our relationship? Could this be an excuse that my partner is using to walk away from our relationship?
Three’s Company.
Not the sassy sitcom with the two female and sole male roommate from the seventies, we’re talking about what happens when people agree to an open marriage or open relationship? When two people make the decision to bring in a third (or more) partner can be both exciting and frightening. To ease that transition, try reading The Threesome Handbook – A practical guide to sleeping with three by Vicky Vantoch. Her book provides a practical guide to sleeping with three. It gives perks of the poly-amorous lifestyle, especially how to prevent jealousy and finding the perfect third partner for BOTH of you.
But here are some basic tips for those interested in exploring the threesome lifestyle:
Don’t include a friend, family member or co-worker. (you have to deal with them on a regular basis and if things didn’t go well, you may have created a mess).
Do NOT include your ex!
Take a trip. Find someone who is willing and someone you won’t have to see on a regular basis.
Remember who the original couple is. Tend to your partner’s needs and keep in mind that the third person is just extra, not a replacement. This means that the third person shouldn’t linger in the bed with you and your partner.
Reassure your partner. What you two are doing is for the pleasure of you both. Tell your partner how much your experience turns you on, Your partner is your main priority, so make sure to tell them.
Practice safe sex. Let’s face it, STI’s are still out there and the person you bring into your relationship may have a dormant infection that they didn’t tell you about. Plus there are so many fun condoms in different textures to choose from.
Set up guidelines on what is acceptable and discuss them with your partner BEFOREHAND.
Need more reading material on introducing a third partner into your relationship? Shop now at www.embracedesires.com
Ahh, Valentines Day; a day devoted to displays of affection. Yet it can be a depressingly heart-wrenching day of the year if you are not in a passionate relationship. Uggh. You wish there was a magic spell to cast for finding true love and happiness.
“Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.” — Ann Landers
You’ve done it all. Blind dates, supermarket stakeouts, and the online dating scene, yet you still strike out when it comes to finding l’amour. We go to extremes trying to attract the perfect mate: tucking things, plucking thing, taping things, dying and frying things to get that special someone to notice you. It’s frustrating to say the least. What’s worse is that even the mean cross-eyed receptionist in the doctors office is now engaged.
Your last resort would be to try and conjure up a love spell. Do they work? Who knows.
Take heart. Love requires planning and maneuvering. Now is the time that you take a long look in the mirror and ask yourself, what signals am I sending out?
But before you cross the enchanted bridge and begin to entice the divine powers, envision the person you want to become in order to attract the love that you want.
Light a soft pink candle.
Relax in a tub filled with sea salt and essential oils, like chamomile, Jasmine, lavender, rosemary, or rose.
Visualize white light surrounding you and begin meditating on how you can improve yourself.
Cover your bed in red or pink petals, and enjoy all of you, that you have to offer.
We’ve done crazy things to invoke the love goddess and did everything we could to welcome Cupid into our life. What have you done to attract love? Tell us:
People, people, people! When you are trying to figure out how to give a man a blow job like a pro, there are some basic techniques that you want to follow. Too many people get caught up in the act of giving head that they forget that they can use the ENTIRE MOUTH: tongue, lips and teeth (only gently). Become familiar with your man’s entire shaft. Massage him completely with your tongue. Hold his penis with a firm grip starting from the base and begin to really show it some attention. Lick and kiss all over your man, tracing the full length of his manhood with your lips and tongue.
But that’s not all, there is more to expertly giving head than just holding your man in your mouth and sucking. Discover some important how to tips on how to satisfy your man with an impressive oral sex performance.
Watch your attitude! It’s blow job basics to love a cheerful giver, so be generous and get into the spirit of giving when you’re about to give a man a blow job.
Offer to give head – Be warned: You must be confident to do this. Confidence is sexy. Although this may seem simple enough to do, a lot of men say that they lose interest in a woman if they have to ask for oral pleasure. So, step up to the mic and tell your man, “drop your pants and gimme 10!” (inches, that is). Besides, when you’re exceptional at your talents, show off! Who can turn down a great offer.
Watch your mouth! Most men don’t like to have their sensitive skin scraped by sharp teeth when they are in the throes of passion. Here’s a tip to prevent grinding against your partners magic stick. Let your mouth fill with spit (yes the wetter, the better).
Really stretch your mouth open as if to make a big O with your lips. Take him inside of your mouth and suck him in. Use your cheek muscles to get the perfect suction and go down, down baby.
Take it to the top – The head of the penis is extremely sensitive. Use your tongue to firmly caress the entire bulbous mound, then take him in and give him your best wet oral performance. Unlike some women who prefer a gentle approach, men tend to prefer a more vigorous touch.
Bouncing Balls – Be easy on his balls (the nut sack or scrotum). The testes are very sensitive. Tenderly, squeeze his testicles either with your mouth or your hands by cupping them. Gently, and we cannot stress this enough, gently massage his balls, but too much and you may find your aggressive attempt at seduction leaving your partner quivering in pain.
When you have the skill to delicately massage his balls in your mouth, remember to stroke the shaft. Keep your well lubricated hands all over him. He’s going to be more receptive to you at this time.
Send a bing-bong to his ding dong. Once you have him inside the depth of your mouth, send him a message via sound and vibration. Make some Noise!!!! No, not any kind of noise. Don’t worry about what your mother said about making noise while you have something in your mouth. Savor the flavor of your partner. Make a delicious sound of slurping and humming and moaning while you are licking and sucking. Wait, we need a break… Ok, what were we talking about? Oh yeah, you want your partner into it, so you need to be into it as well. A nice hum from your mouth while performing oral sex can simulate the gentle vibration he would get from a mini vibrator.
Go for a happy ending. Put it in your mouth. Not into swallowing your partner’s load? Play with his cum in your mouth. Blow big semen filled bubbles. Or let him release himself on you. Embrace the milky shower your partner shared with you.
BONUS: Rub it in. Go on, rub his semen on you. Using his semi erect penis, massage all of his creamy semen all over your face. This bold seductive act shows him that you love every inch of him. If you’re daring, you can even lightly tap your face if he is still leaking to get every last drop
Cherry blossoms – a symbol of new beginnings, feminine dominance and beauty
It’s that time again and with the New Year upon us, the New Year brings new things! So many people say “new year, new me” because you get 365 new days to reset the clock and live the life you have always wanted to live! For the New Year, remember to include resolutions to improve your relationship.
Don’t waste another day–in fact, don’t waist another moment! It isn’t necessary to wait for the beginning of the year to start afresh. As a matter of fact, start now! Decide that today is the day and now is the time to focus on enhancing the best you that there is to make you happy and your relationship thrive.
Starting a new workout regimen is great for the new year. When incorporating your workout schedule into your daily life, consider ways to plan for a sex-sational New Year and New You! While you’re pushing yourself to go harder in the gym, think about how much sexier you will look during your orgasms. Yes, yes, and oh yes! More orgasms can improve your physical, mental and emotional health! When you embrace your passionate self, you open the door to undiscovered desires.
Set aside some quiet time to connect with the intellectual beauty that you are, either alone or with your partner. Meditation is great to relieve stress while allowing you to experience a more intimate connection with your lover without penetration.
Image courtesy GenSpot
While lying in bed together, face each other and entwine your legs so the legs are resting scissor style with one another and allow his genitals to rest on her genitals. Relax, breathe deep, and focus on the space the two of you are sharing for a few moments.
Make your workout, part of foreplay
It’s the beginning of the New Year! Let your inhibitions down and like the athletic giant says, “Just Do It”, but do it together! Look at that body! See how hard your partner is working on developing strength and muscles? Yes, now imagine those ripped abs and muscular chest sweating all over your body. Shoot a few knowing glances at your partner. Let him know that after this workout, there will be a post workout at home (unless you can sneak a tryst in on the way). According to Dr. Laura Berman, a leading sex and relationship therapist on OWN, the Oprah Winfrey Network, make a resolution to stay open to the promise of sex even if you aren’t immediately in the mood. Kiss your partner, enjoy his touches, and let your mind delve into fantasy. Stay open to sex and tune into the pleasure of being touched and kissed. You will likely find that your body responds and that you are in the mood after all!
Have more sex, more often. Depending on your sex position, experts say 30 minutes of sex burns 85 calories or more. (Ladies, you will burn more calories during sex when you are on top). It may not sound like much, but it adds up: 42 half-hour sessions will burn 3,570 calories, more than enough to lose a pound. Wow! Orgasm plus weight loss! Yeah, that is a workout by itself!
Spice things up
February is the shortest month to try something new! Think of the freakiest thing you’ve ever wanted to try and go for it! Try a new sex toy – Need a bit of inspiration? Check out Embracedesires.comto get started. Do you want to be restrained? Has the book series50 Shades of Grey left you wanting to channel your inner Anastasia? You must tell your partner what interests you! Say, “Spank Me”. Be bold and daring, either way, tell your partner. Write it down and leave it as a little love note or, if you can’t leave an actual note, send a text message. Life is too short. Be as uninhibited as you desire with your lover! And oh, have fun with it!
As an added bonus, having sex may be good for your heart. A 20-year-long British study shows that men who had sex twice or more a week were half as likely to have a fatal heart attack than men who had sex less than once a month.
Spend Time Getting to Know What YOU Like
As the old saying goes, “how are you going to love someone if you can’t love yourself” – ok so we paraphrased a bit. Really get to know the one person you’ve been with your entire life! Self-stimulation is a normal, healthy and a wonderful way to get in touch with your hot spots. Be sure to have clean hands and use a high quality lube when pleasuring yourself to make each stroke wonderful. Once you’ve become familiar with what you like, go for mutual masturbation. Simultaneously, stimulate each other. For a unique and erotic experience, stimulate each other without penetration and see who comes to climax first. Winner gets to dominate. For stimulation without risk of a fatigued hand, use vibrating toys just grab the batteries or make sure everything is clean and charged, for clitoral and g-spot stimulation. Men can benefit from the use of a onacup (male masturbation sleeve) with a vibrating bullet. If you don’t know how to love yourself, nobody else will…
What better way to reduce stress than making yourself happy. Natural endorphins released during self-stimulating pleasure can improve your overall mood by improved circulation and relieving stress.
Be Bold and Daring in the Bedroom
Let’s get to the bottom of anal sex and straight men. Many straight guys have preconceived notions about anal play. Mainly, if you derive pleasure from anal stimulation, you must somehow be gay. Guys, you can still have the raging heterosexuality of an NFL offensive line and explore your all of your erogenous zones. The anus is full of sensitive nerve tissue that, when stimulated can bring immense pleasure. Sexual orientation doesn’t change based on pleasure zones. We recommend that you start by experimenting with a well silicone – lubed finger. If you are worried about residue, wear sterile gloves, and then lube your finger with a quality silicone lube. When you and your partner are ready, then you can graduate to anal plugs. Anal plugs with a flare at the end are best if you want to avoid a trip to the ER…”uh, Doc, I was reading this blog a few hours ago and…, well you get the idea. We highly suggest the use of silicone-based lubricants for pleasure during anal sex. The silicone will not be absorbed into your skin as would water-based lubes thus reducing friction and increasing pleasure. Word to the wise – START OFF SLOW! Your ass isn’t going anywhere! If it hurts, take a break.
Having sex, whether anal or vaginal, boosts your immunity. Having sex once or twice a week has been linked with higher levels of an antibody called immunoglobulin A or IgA, which can protect you from getting colds and other infections.
But, What Does That Mouth Do?
Woman Eating Lollipop image courtesy Getty Images
Give your partner mind-blowing pleasure throughout the year. Dedicate a time to perfecting your oral skills. Oral sex is one of the most delightful ways couples can give each other pleasure without saying a word. Many men are fans of blow jobs as it gives them intense sexual sensations and can bring him to a pretty intense orgasm. To make him go weak at the knees, when giving him a blow job linger on the parts of his anatomy that are particularly sensitive – the tip of his penis, his testicles and his perineum – the secret spot between the testicles and the anus. To really turn him on, include a quiet, yet powerful vibrating toy in your oral play. Then, blindfold him and tie him up. Gently place the toy under his scrotum (the balls) before you go down on him, then deep throat your man. Ladies, this make him moan with pleasure!
Some studies suggest that women love receiving oral sex also. We have to agree. In fact, 30 to 50 percent of women say they can’t reach an orgasm through intercourse alone. A woman’s clitoris is the most pleasure-sensitive part of her vagina and that’s where you’ll want to devote your attention. In fact, the tiny little clitoris has more sensory nerve endings than the entire penis! Stimulating your partner’s vulva, clitoris and entrance to the vagina using your tongue, lips and mouth will drive her wild, resulting in a super intense orgasm! So, relax and share the pleasure – both giving and receiving to experience a new dimension of sensuality…mmh, mmmh, good!
Why Not Improve Your Mood
Orgasms increase estrogen and endorphin levels which makes you feel good and naturally improves your mood.
You woke up this morning and realized….it’s over. There’s no going back. You are no longer half of a couple, you are now single.
image courtesy of understandmenow.com
Single.. in a world of couples. While it may seem like the end of the world, IT. IS. NOT. THE. END. OF. THE. WORLD.
But how would anyone know how to move on after the relationship is over?
First don’t play the blame game. It wasn’t either one’s fault. You simply weren’t meant to be each others ‘forever’ person. It doesn’t’ matter if one was faithful and the other wasn’t, if one was abusive or abused (and abuse occurs whenever a person is made to feel less than of human by another person), or if the relationship stopped ‘feeling’ like a relationship. The simple truth is.. IT’S OVER.
What do you do now? Accept the fact that you haven’t YET met your soulmate. Work on improving YOU so you will be ready when you do meet your ‘forever” person.
Secondly, do not speak negatively to anyone about your ex.
Third, do not wallow in self pity and hurt.
Fourth, do not play the coulda, woulda, shoulda game. There is NOTHING you ‘coulda’ done, ‘woulda’ done or ‘shoulda’ done that would have changed the ultimate demise of the relationship. Most importantly, do not play any games at all. That only hurts and stagnates your emotional and mental growth.
Lastly, do not hold onto every last memento you ever received from your ex. Getting rid of some things helps in the healing process. It is a process where you alone determine the length of the process and its success.
You see, the power is in you to change and grow beyond the raw emotion you feel now.
Avoid emotional suicide; you need time to recover from this temporary situation. Do NOT under any circumstances, jump into another relationship right away! Resist the desire to replace your partner with another until you are emotionally prepared.
Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.
So what do you do? You set a goal for yourself.
YOUR goal is growth – a deeper more powerful positive growth mentally, physically and emotionally.
♥ Take an honest, objective 20/20 hindsight look at the relationship, recognize the good parts of it and if necessary take notes on a legal pad. Embrace the wonderfully cathartic release of emotions this can be.
♥ Think kindly of your ex and all that was brought into the relationship by her/him. These are traits that are dominant in your future soulmate. Learn to appreciate those qualities. But don’t romanticize your ex. After all if it was that good, your ex wouldn’t be your ex right?
♥ Take a deep breath and realize that it is okay to be single. Recognize that you really need the time to recharge your emotional batteries as well as readjust your focus on life. This way you can better equip yourself for your beautiful future.
♥ Work on improving YOU in order for your soulmate to recognize you.
♥ Make changes in your lifestyle.
Paint your living space or add some accent fixtures.
Take a yoga class, go to a gym, modify your wardrobe (you’ve heard of ‘dress for success’, now all you need to do is ‘dress the way you want to be addressed’)
Educate your palate by taking wine and cooking classes
Learn a foreign language
Audit some college courses or go back to college and get your degree
Try something strange and different for yourself.
It’s never too late to make you a better you. And you deserve it, you wonderful person you.
Share with us ways that you were able to move on after your relationship was over
Get ready to pucker up and show off your kissing skills. We are not recommending that you set up your own kissing booth outside of your office, (that would probably be frowned upon in H.R) but if you want to really leave a lasting impression on your love interest, you only have one shot at it, and that one shot is with a kiss.
Why do we kiss? There are many reasons for someone to give another a kiss. Kissing can be a flirtatious gesture. A mother could give her child a kiss on the head or it could be a kiss given as a sign of respect like that of a religious ceremonial kiss. Kisses are exchanged every day by those greeting each other or saying goodbye. We want to know about the art of kissing. We want to know about the kiss that every movie wants to capture and every young couple wants to prove they are best at, the big passionate, tongue tickling kiss that says “I love you”!
First things first, you need to ensure that before you embark on the journey of kissing your loved one that you are ready. So pucker up buttercup, here are a few tips to perfect your pout and make you a great kisser;
Make sure your lips are soft. Exfoliate with a soft, damp toothbrush or washcloth. Moisten your lips – use a lip balm that is unscented if you can, you can’t guarantee that your kissing partner won’t take offense to your cherry scented lip balm.
Ensure you have clean teeth and fresh breath; no one wants to kiss a mouth full of ‘just devoured lunch’, which reeks of garlic or onion! Don’t be so bold and go for one of those curiously strong mints, you’re going for a kiss, not a job interview. Maintain regular dental hygiene — brush, floss and rinse. If you need a quick breath booster, opt for a lemon drop.
Close that mouth! Please do not try to devour the person you are trying to kiss right away. Always start with a closed mouth when kissing, you will certainly be invited by your partner to continue into a more passionate, open mouthed, kiss if you are polite and don’t push too hard.
This is where the fun really starts!
Slowly lean in towards your partners lips
Don’t forget that a kiss isn’t just about your mouth. Use your hands to embrace your partner gently. Hold them close to your body if they allow and enjoy the feeling of closeness that come from a truly loving and passionate kiss.
Swallow- don’t forget to swallow during a long kiss, it may be best to rest for second or two, allowing you both the time to swallow the build up of saliva that will undoubtedly happen. It will also give you a moment to enjoy each other before continuing.
If you use these few tips to kiss you’re sure to get it right. Enjoy each kiss as a moment to embrace your partner’s soul and share your own with them.
Do you think you have mastered the art of kissing? Let us know.
I am talking about complete services including who will sing and what will I wear. I even plan out my new life. And the thought being without this person hits – HARD. I imagine how lonely I would be. I know the heartache would be unbearable. Feeling that I alienated myself, intentionally just for a moment of solitude just seems self- serving. Then I stop to make myself remember why I decided to be with this incredible person who has been with me and all of my crazy and realize that I really am better with them, than without.
Improving Relationships, One Fucking Couple at a Time 