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Improving Relationships, One Fucking Couple at a Time

Improving Relationships, One Fucking Couple at a Time

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sex advice

No Commitment. No Confusion. Jump Off Rules to Live By

Rules for the jumpoff

People are having more and more sex. According to a recent Trojan condoms survey, the average American is having sex 151 times this year, compared to 120 times last year. With so many people having so much sex, somebody is definitely a jump off.

What is a jump off?

A jump off is a person whose sole purpose is to bring sexual gratification to another person with little effort and little money spent. A jump off is usually a woman, sometimes a man who only sees their “partner” when the partner expresses interest.

How do you know you are a jumpoff?
You don’t have sex with this person regularly. You rarely go out on any dates. You appear at their house or other designated places to have sex at when they are horny. You arrive at odd hours and leave before the neighbors know of your presence.

Were you asked to send any naked pictures of yourself? (you were already considered jump off material).

Consider under what circumstances you two met. Was there drinking? Was it an online meeting, or in a club or bar? and think of how you two ended up in bed. Did this person offer to take you out? (movies don’t count, all you do is sit in the dark and feel each other while the movie is playing – an indication of the fucking that comes later) did anyone Buy you dinner at a real restaurant?

You are told that the person you are jumping off with is single. New flash: Most people are technically single. If they are not married, then they are legally SINGLE. You should ask if there is anyone else in the picture that they are fucking or somehow involved with. Don’t make assumptions that being single means they are alone. What do you think they were doing before you came along?

Once you realize or even suspect that you are a jump off, here are some rules to follow if you want to continue this sexual relationship.

  • Never beg/ask to be kept. If your sex partner tells you out of the blue that they can’t see you, accept that you were a jump off and move on. Asking if there is something you can do to make them stay is worthless unless you can turn yourself into the person they really want to be with.
  •  If you are fucking Multiple other people… Let the other person know.
  • Honesty doesn’t apply to you, the jump off. You are not entitled to anything but the occasional fuck. You will be told any story so you can be fucked and tossed.
  • Accept the occasional calls/texts during normal business hours. Be grateful if you get any outside of that and when that communication stops, chances are your jump off status is done.
  • Social media is great, but don’t go posting ‘woe is me’ status updates on Facebook and Twitter about how you are hurt over being dumped. Just move on to the next. Lesson learned.
  • Never leave any personal items.
  • Keep it to yourself unless you’re promoting a threesome with an even better looking person.
  • There can’t be any babies, so stay on birth control.
  • Do not plan on staying over two hours (cleanup time included).
  • Do not try to tongue kiss.
  • If you two should ever meet in public while with another, ignore them as if you don’t know them, unless they come to you first.

If you are not interested in being someone’s jump off, simply take your time and get to know a person. Follow a rule of five.  Five Real DATES to see where this persons thinking head is at.  If they are only interested in having sex with you, they won’t make it through the rule of five.  If sex is the one thing that attracted you to this person, and you have sex with them soon after the two of you meet, chances are likely that you will be the jump off.

There you have it, in plain english. Theses are the rules– no exceptions– so know your role and play your part.

Anal Sex Tips

You’ve been considering giving anal sex a try, but you weren’t sure if you will enjoy it.  We know the feeling.  We were there once before and wanted to share some of our experiences we’ve had with you. The most important thing you can do is
Relax!   The anus is full of sensitive nerve endings that can feel amazing when stimulated by a tongue, finger, penis, or toy.
Before engaging in any anal sex activity, you should be completely prepared – mentally and physically.  Foreplay before anal sex is not only fun, but downright necessary.
Here are our top ten tips for enjoying anal sex:

1.     Cleanliness is…Important
You want all of your intimate moments to be memorable, especially your anal sex experience.   You just don’t want to remember any brown residue after your partner withdraws from your anus.  This residue could be fecal matter and/or a combination of fecal matter and mucus membranes.  There isn’t much you can do to eliminate your mucus membranes, but you can control your bowels.    Prior to engaging in anal sex include a diet high in fiber to keep your colon clean.  Short on time?  Try using an anal douche or enema about an hour before intercourse.  This will allow any remaining fluid from the enema or douche to exit your body making your experience more comfortable.  Remember, you can jump into the shower afterward to refresh yourself and your partner.

2.     Keep it Wet
By wet, we mean your intestines.  Drink plenty of water.    This may sound silly but, when you don’t drink enough water, your body becomes dehydrated.  Water hydrates your intestines and helps elimination by producing softer stools.  If you are dehydrated you may become constipated.  Constipation = Uncomfortable sex.  No one wants sex to be uncomfortable.

3.     LUBE LUBE LUBE
We cannot stress this enough.  Use plenty of lube.  Unlike the vagina and the mouth, the anus  does not provide its own moisture.  We recommend using a silicone based lube.  Silicone lasts longer than water based lubes and does not dry out or get yucky.  If you are using a latex safe condom, and it says “lubricated”, for the purpose of anal sex, the lube isn’t enough, so always add more.

4. Foreplay
Before you and your partner get started, play with your anus.  Insert a well lubricated object (just make sure there are no jagged edges ie fingernails, damaged toys) inside of you or have your partner massage the rim of your anus.  When you are both ready, consider exploring safe analingus (oral sex of the anus) with your partner – you can cut open a condom and place it over the opening of the anus to protect yourself from bacteria normally found in the anus.

5.  Watch those signs!

The prospect of having anal sex is as exciting for the giver as well as the receiver.  Make sure your partner proceeds with caution! When you are ready, your anus will relax to let you know, your partner should slowly insert a toy or their penis inside of you.  A penis, even a toy, is a large object to insert inside of an anus, so be patient.  It may seem like it is taking forever to completely enter you, but the rewards are well worth it.  After anal foreplay and you are relaxed enough allow your partner to enter you partially giving your body time to adjust to the size and fit.  Breathe slowly until you are relaxed and you feel yourself opening up more.  When you do open more, allow your partner to go deeper.  If you need a break, have your partner withdraw partially, then attempt re-entry going deeper with each stroke.

6.    The Experience
If at any time during anal sex, you feel extreme pain or discomfort, STOP.  That is your body telling you that you are at risk for damage.  Let your partner know that you need a break.  Take some time, and when you are ready, add more lube and go for it.  embracedesires.com does not endorse desensitizing products for anal sex.

7.  Play Time
Another way of preparing yourself for anal sex is to stretch your muscles yourself.  You can use butt plugs.  This is a wonderful way to easily welcome your partner inside of you.

8. Move
Anal sex doesn’t have to be performed in one position.  It is crucial that you find the position that is most comfortable for you to receive your partner.  For anal sex beginners, try starting out flat on your stomach.  Once you have accepted your partner and the pleasure takes over, switch positions, you may be surprised to find your anal sex experience is more pleasurable in a position different from the one you started out with.

9.     Rest Room
If after enjoying anal sex, you feel like going to the bathroom, Go.  Just don’t strain.

10.     Back to basics
After you and your partner revel in the pleasure that is anal sex, you see some “leftovers”, don’t panic.  This is natural.  Just go clean yourself off, better yet, make it a prelude to more.  Shower together and clean each other off.

8 Sex Essentials for your Sexy Santa

For those who enjoy variety with your partner, we are giving you a list of eight sensual goodies for a Sexy Santa.

TOY CLEANSING WIPES

Reduce your risk of infections. Wipe your toys clean before and after each use.

LUBRICANTS/ANAL LUBES/ANAL SPRAYS
You never can be too certain which direction you will go into first, so it’s best to be prepared ahead of time. Make sure you and your partner are well lubed and let the adventure begin.

PLEASURE ITEMS
Well this is what you were waiting for. Have your favorite dils, vibrators, strap-ons, etc. Just make sure it is clean and nearby.

CONDOMS
We all need to reduce the risk of infection (plus you can have so much fun with all of the new ones out there), so have an assortment handy.

BLINDFOLDS
Ever find yourself fantasizing about someone other than your current partner? Ever close your eyes during passion and wonder who is really pleasing you? Well, a blindfold can make the possibility a reality in your mind. If you open your eyes too soon, you won’t be disappointed since you will still be in the dark with this amazing “stranger”.

FLOGGERS/WHIPS/PADDLES
Perfect during role play for when you want to discipline or be disciplined for being oh so naughty.

RESTRAINTS
Does your partner wriggle all over the place during throes of passion? Take Control!!! Tie them up! Cuff them to something, just don’t let them enjoy freedom.

BREATH FRESHENER
Once you and your partner have satisfied after another, before either of you roll over to fall asleep, spritz a bit of breath freshener in your mouth. When you awaken from your blissful slumber, you can roll over and start fresh all over again.

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