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Improving Relationships, One Fucking Couple at a Time

Improving Relationships, One Fucking Couple at a Time

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No Commitment. No Confusion. Jump Off Rules to Live By

Rules for the jumpoff

People are having more and more sex. According to a recent Trojan condoms survey, the average American is having sex 151 times this year, compared to 120 times last year. With so many people having so much sex, somebody is definitely a jump off.

What is a jump off?

A jump off is a person whose sole purpose is to bring sexual gratification to another person with little effort and little money spent. A jump off is usually a woman, sometimes a man who only sees their “partner” when the partner expresses interest.

How do you know you are a jumpoff?
You don’t have sex with this person regularly. You rarely go out on any dates. You appear at their house or other designated places to have sex at when they are horny. You arrive at odd hours and leave before the neighbors know of your presence.

Were you asked to send any naked pictures of yourself? (you were already considered jump off material).

Consider under what circumstances you two met. Was there drinking? Was it an online meeting, or in a club or bar? and think of how you two ended up in bed. Did this person offer to take you out? (movies don’t count, all you do is sit in the dark and feel each other while the movie is playing – an indication of the fucking that comes later) did anyone Buy you dinner at a real restaurant?

You are told that the person you are jumping off with is single. New flash: Most people are technically single. If they are not married, then they are legally SINGLE. You should ask if there is anyone else in the picture that they are fucking or somehow involved with. Don’t make assumptions that being single means they are alone. What do you think they were doing before you came along?

Once you realize or even suspect that you are a jump off, here are some rules to follow if you want to continue this sexual relationship.

  • Never beg/ask to be kept. If your sex partner tells you out of the blue that they can’t see you, accept that you were a jump off and move on. Asking if there is something you can do to make them stay is worthless unless you can turn yourself into the person they really want to be with.
  •  If you are fucking Multiple other people… Let the other person know.
  • Honesty doesn’t apply to you, the jump off. You are not entitled to anything but the occasional fuck. You will be told any story so you can be fucked and tossed.
  • Accept the occasional calls/texts during normal business hours. Be grateful if you get any outside of that and when that communication stops, chances are your jump off status is done.
  • Social media is great, but don’t go posting ‘woe is me’ status updates on Facebook and Twitter about how you are hurt over being dumped. Just move on to the next. Lesson learned.
  • Never leave any personal items.
  • Keep it to yourself unless you’re promoting a threesome with an even better looking person.
  • There can’t be any babies, so stay on birth control.
  • Do not plan on staying over two hours (cleanup time included).
  • Do not try to tongue kiss.
  • If you two should ever meet in public while with another, ignore them as if you don’t know them, unless they come to you first.

If you are not interested in being someone’s jump off, simply take your time and get to know a person. Follow a rule of five.  Five Real DATES to see where this persons thinking head is at.  If they are only interested in having sex with you, they won’t make it through the rule of five.  If sex is the one thing that attracted you to this person, and you have sex with them soon after the two of you meet, chances are likely that you will be the jump off.

There you have it, in plain english. Theses are the rules– no exceptions– so know your role and play your part.

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Make yours a victorious vagina. Releasing the Power of your Pussy.

You’ve heard of it existing.  Maybe you believe you have one.  But men already know of the power of the pussy and how it can bring him to his knees in ecstasy and in some instances, the poor house.

It’s that moment when your pussy is being stroked, and you hear him moan, “mmm, this is some good pussy” Bamm!  That’s your confirmation right there that you have that good good. Sorry to tell you, but…  No, it isn’t.

Men put on verbal performances too (yes, men fake pleasure sounds)  so, ladies we must pay attention to their body language as well as what we hear.

Read on to discover more ways to make him mean it when he tells you that your pussy is good.

While having intercourse, squeeze, I mean really squeeze those kegel muscles! Squeeze on every up stroke if you can.  If you’re too wet or feels too loose, change positions.  Make your vagina the victorious one.

There is no such thing as sex just happening.  Every morning that you wake up is an opportunity to fuck. Make sure you shower and groom yourself every day in preparation for an impromptu romp. If your daily routine includes the gym after work, keep a fresh pack of cleansing wipes designed specifically for a woman’s delicate and most sensitive area. Give him a sweet treat to eat.  Keep some edible dusting powder stored discreetly in a small zippered plastic bag or a stylish compact case.  We prefer the small compact case with hidden compartments, but get two, one for our edible powders and another for our condoms.

Go for pussy power!  Train your pelvic walls.  Do kegel exercises every day, every hour (ok, that may not be possible for some, but on your way to work, in a meeting, during lunch – you get the idea). If you need more resistance for your vaginal walls, purchase pelvic floor exercise tools. They come in different shapes, from eggs to wands, and in a variety of weights.

Keep that kitty pretty. There is no better feeling than undressing and showing off a beautifully adorned kitty cat.  As part of your grooming process, consider changing your hair color down there, or trimming your hair in special designs or shapes.

For the woman who loves glitz and glamour, add some sparkling crystals to your pubic area.  Don’t worry about the crystals as they have adhesive backings so you can reposition them when they get moved around (and they will) during sex.

Claim your victory for your vagina and you too can have power in your pussy.

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Tattoo Your Taboo – Being Freak-y is Fabulous

Why aren’t people really comfortable with their sexuality?
In hushed whispers, people will discuss how much of a “freak” they are, but don’t own any sex toys. Not to say that owning sex toys (or a sex toy company) automatically makes you a “freak”, it just shows that you are open to alternative sexual experiences. I love sex toys and all of the sensual accessories that compliment them, but I don’t consider myself to be a “freak”. That term really puts my panties in a bunch. When I was growing up, the only reference to freaks were either in the circus or other sideshow anomaly. I’m no circus performer, nor do I swallow deadly stainless steel swords. (Swallowing other large objects… well, that is another story).  I’m a lover of erotic pleasures. I’m sexually explorative, and very proud of it.  I have embraced my desire to explore sexually stimulating and pleasure enhancing activities. Shit, I’m grown. At least my age says that I am.

The one thing that I marvel at are people who act like they don’t indulge in sex or those people who act like sexcessories are taboo.

Go to any adult novelty store or party and you will find hordes of horny adult women, all of various ages, giggling like little girls over the extensive variety and massive dildos, the sensual oils (perhaps the fantasy of a pair of strong hands rubbing all over their body does wonders) and tasty edibles (are we really still grossed out by the taste of sperm?  Masque it already)

So you know what I say? ”Tattoo your Taboo!” (figuratively of course, however, whether you choose to actually do so is ENTIRELY up to you). Wear it like a badge of honor, own up to it. Let’s dress it up and take the sting out of the word and make it ours.
And let’s face it, circus freaks are called ”freaks” because they are out of the ordinary, uncommon, and entertaining. So when you’re considered ”freak-y” you’re extraordinary! No sexual encounter of any kind leaves a lasting impression if it has been the same old thing. But If you want to do away with the label altogether all you have to do is remember this one thing. The next time someone calls you a “Freak” simply tell them: “No… you’re just boring”.
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A Few of Our Favorite Things

People have asked us what are some of our all time favorites.  Now that isn’t really fair, because we believe that all of the products we offer are great and we would definitely try each one of them as soon as we could.  But, we must admit we do have our favorites and decided to share them with you.

Liberator Fascinator Throe (“Big Red” as we affectionately call it)

This lil cover really sucks!  In a good way.  It disguises itself as a boudoir throw blanket.  But it is so much more.  It’s soft.  It’s sensual fabric makes you want to lay on it.  It’s THIRSTY!  It absorbs your love juices the way you wish your sheets would.  Just lay your throe on top of your bed before playtime and it really absorbs the juices that your or your matter have squirted, or skeeted. We love it because when you want to recuperate in between sex rounds, you can just move the Fascinator Throe and no one has to lay in the wet spot.  When your up for round 2 (or more – lucky you!) Your Liberator Fascinator Throe is ready and eager to drink you up.

Kyng condoms.
We were a little skeptical at Lifestyles coming out with its own line of condoms made specifically for larger men.  The packaging looked like it was going to be a regular size condom, with a regular size fit.  But when he put it on and said that it was more comfortable and had less residue than the Trojan brand Magnum condom (“I don’t know what type of lube they put on the Magnums, but you gotta use gasoline to get It off”)  we used to use, I knew this was going to be the King in our condom stash.

Vajazzle Body jewelry
Of our many sensual addictions, we have to admit, getting a Brazilian wax is definitely one of them, followed by us adorning our lady bits with rows and rows of a temporary tattoo made up of sparkling studs. There is something sensually exciting about being able to view the entire vagina in all of its plump moistness during foreplay.  Having your vajayjay accented by Vajazzling it with Swarovski crystals is very High on our list.

Swiss Navy Lube
Nothing says loving like a healthy dose of anal sex.  And when we indulge, we reach for two products:

1. Adventure Fresh Orange Anal Relaxing Spray.

It must be the delicious sultry scent of Oranges and Clove that really relaxes us or maybe, it works that well.  Anywho, we love it

2.  The Bottle of Swiss Navy Lube.  Hell, if the boys out to sea were to use this… Ok, must stay focused.  But Swiss Navy lube is the TRUTH!!!!

It lubes up that ass and you don’t have to constantly reapply – that just destroys the fun anyway!

When it comes to Restraints, we have a “tie”
LELO Etherea Silk Cuffs (right)

Incoqnito Neck Tie (below)

These are just a few of our favorite things.  We will surely update our list as we add more awesome “sexcessories” to the website.

Join us on Facebook.com/embracedesires and tell us about your favorite products from www.embracedesires.com

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BDSM: Why You’re Getting it All Wrong

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Mother’s Day HOT MAMA Contest

I KNOW that I am a Hot Mama.  What makes me a hot mama?  With every year of motherhood, I gain a little more confidence and a bit more knowledge and lots more curves!  How about you?

LIKE us to Enter our Facebook Mother’s Day Contest and tell us what makes you a hot mama!
You could win a Special gift package with our top selling sensual products from:
Spain:  Bijoux Indiscrets Shhh Blindfold
France: Maison Close set including:

USA: Leg Avenue Fishnet stockings
USA: Nippies Patch of Freedom pasties (silver only)

Contest Ends Sat May 5, 2012 11:59pm EST

This contest only good for our Facebook friends.  Be sure to like us. See you on Facebook!

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You Want More Ass? Tidy Up Your Place.

If clothes make the man, what does his living space say about him?  I’ve wondered this for a while.  Think about it, if you’ve ever visited a love interest who said all of the right things, smelled and looked great drove a clean looking ride, and when you get to where they live, you are turned off. The place looks a mess.  Wherever you look, you see dirty dishes/laundry/furniture/floor. There is an odor that gets caught in your throat.  You dodge vermin and yet they are so comfortable with living like a slob that they are not bothered by your discomfort, at all.  They could be the sexiest person on Earth, but if that place is a mess, it doesn’t matter how attractive looking they are, or anything — deals off, I’m out.

Trust me, I am in no way a Felix Unger, nor am I an Oscar Madison, but I do fall happily in the middle, keeping sure my place looks neat and lived in.  But what do you do when your potential partner’s place is so unkempt?  Do you stay and start to clean up? Or would you think of excuses to leave?

There really is something extra sexy when you visit someone’s home who you are interested in and discover that not only does it look nicely furnished, but it also smells nice.  It seems to make the sex incredibly better. Sex is sexier when the place is clean

Seems that I am not the only one who thinks this way.  I stumbled across this video recently and it pretty much summed up my thoughts.  If the living space is nice, oh yeah, you will be getting some ass.  But only if the place is nice.

Let’s be honest. If your place is nice, I’m giving up the ass

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March 24 2012 Save 25% Online Sale

Housecleaning.  Hate it.  Taking inventory.  Ugh.

I remember when I used to work in a large department store and my boss told me that I had to clean out and rearrange AND take inventory of a stock room.  WHAT???? Was he kidding?  That stock room was a mess, yet he expected me to get it cleaned up.  He kept using the analogy, “think of it as cleaning out your garage”.  Who was he kidding?  I was nineteen years old, with no car, let alone a garage, so I had no clue what this reference of his was all about.  Man, was I thankful I had a great support staff.  I delegated that task to them.

What does that have to do with pleasure products and other intimate accessories you wonder?  Well…everything!  Fast forward a couple of decades and after visiting some garage sales of my own, on Saturday, March 24, 2012 from 7-9am EST embracedesires.com will have its own “garage” sale, only it will be all online!

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I’m feeling like a kid in a candy store.  Or perhaps more like a sex addict in a sex toy shop.  Man, was I excited to find out that we would be carrying the Booty Parlor brand once again.  Especially that Pink Caviar Body Scrub with Pheromones!  Image

I mean, I love eating caviar.  It reminds me of the lavish holiday parties my former fiance’ would take me to and I would find the servers with the tiny cucumber rounds with a dollop of creme fraiche, topped with caviar and sipping on champagne all while wearing over priced lingerie. mmmmm.  deliciously decadent.

Every time I think of caviar, or have some to snack on, I anticipate incredible sex.  Go figure.  Perhaps that is why I became so turned on when I saw the caviar scrub by Booty Parlor.  Caviar AND pheromones, together?  What better combination?  After all, caviar is filled with essential minerals and nutrients as it makes your skin look great.  Then you have the pheromones attracting the attention of a potential suitor, hey, what could be better?

Ok, so I love the decadent, the luxurious, and the extravagant.  I deserve it all and so do you.  That is why we are proud to offer Booty Parlor to you.

indulge.

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